It was the most barbaric, cheap-shot act I had ever witnessed.
Heavyweight boxer Mike Tyson bit off a piece of opponent Evander Holyfield’s ear live on television during a fight in what was, at the time in 1997, the most-watched Pay-Per-View event in history.
I’m a pretty nice guy. But if someone bit off part of my ear, I’m pretty sure I’d stay pissed about it for… I don’t know… forever?
Fast-forward 18-ish years. Tyson and Holyfield now act like old friends. Maybe it’s because Holyfield has millions so the jacked ear isn’t a huge liability. Maybe it’s because Holyfield has a huge heart and capacity for forgiveness.
I like to think it’s mostly because of their common ground.
Fighters. Champions. Aging and somewhat incapable of doing what they did as younger men. Fading celebrity.
How many people can understand that? What it’s like to experience that? Hardly anyone.
People need others to understand them. To connect with people like them.
When I first started writing here, I was mostly just venting. Writing therapy because I didn’t want to pay a professional.
It was a huge revelation to me when I realized there were a bunch of other people out there just like me. People who hurt like I hurt. Felt like I felt. People who wanted what I wanted.
People who understood.
I felt so alone.
But then I didn’t anymore. Because we became a tribe.
The magic of common ground.
I Don’t Get All the Fighting
I was having a conversation earlier about American politics.
I’m interested in politics. I care. But I’m constantly disheartened and disillusioned because the average American politician DOES NOT give a shit about the same things I give a shit about.
Near as I can tell, the vast majority of elected officials are more interested in re-election. And they seem to believe that working with members of another political party cooperatively is political suicide.
So Washington is full of out-of-touch, selfish, power-hungry politicians who want to ascend the ranks of American politics and never actually accomplish anything that serves the greater good.
What if we did Everything Differently?
What if the first thing a President and a new Congress did was get together and write down all the things everyone agreed on?
Everyone is for good schools.
Everyone is for accessible health care and affordable insurance.
Everyone is for reducing crime.
Everyone is for efficient transportation and public utility infrastructure.
Everyone is for safety.
Everyone is for beautification and eliminating blight.
Everyone is for jobs.
Everyone is for a robust economy.
And then, one problem at a time, you put the nation and world’s best and brightest minds to work on solutions. In many cases, there are already examples of successfully improving these areas. There is ALWAYS an example of “the best way” to do anything. Someone already thought of it. And it can probably be done even better.
Research a smart, effective way to fix a problem. Then fix that problem. Something on the common ground list.
Why is no one doing this? Why does everyone spend so much of their political currency attacking people who don’t agree with them? I don’t understand why everyone insists on being intolerable assholes all the time.
I don’t want to pretend like cheesy science-fiction films are a reliable predictor of human behavior. But. I do feel confident they are correct in their portrayal of humans from all walks of life banding together to stave off extinction from otherworldly predators.
In other words, if aliens try to eradicate us with big-ass space lasers, I don’t think we’re going to spend a lot of time haggling over whether gay people should be allowed to marry or how to fund Medicare. I think Russia and the Ukraine might be able to set aside their differences. Maybe even North and South Korea.
Maybe terrorists would spend more time beheading menacing extraterrestrials and less time beheading innocent people. I’d like to think so.
My point is that there is ALWAYS a reason to band together. There is always some commonality, even if it’s just—we’re both human.
Why all the conflict?
I get frustrated with all the shittiness. It doesn’t have to be this way.
Because I know I’m an asshole, I’ve gotten infinitely better at slowing down when I hear about people messing up. The mob rallies and rails against the offender. If I had a magic wand, I think maybe I’d put a sin on display from each member of the mob so they can also enjoy the experience of a million stones flying at them.
Almost all of us have committed them.
And redemption is just about the best thing in the world.
Maybe we can practice rigorous forgiveness, like David Brooks writes about in this New York Times column.
Like two warring nations working together to eradicate an alien invasion.
Like politicians with enough balls to get something done by teaming up with someone on the other team.
Like angry ex-spouses who put aside their grievances to love their children.
Like Evander Holyfield.
Who laughs with, smiles at, embraces, and forgives a man who bit off his ear.