Much of the fighting is ridiculous. Stop acting like you don’t want to sleep with each other. (Image/stephenwhitehead.org)
“Don’t call my cult bullshit, you pansy-ass mangina!”
Sorry, Johnny Men’s Rights. Maybe stop peddling bullshit.
“You tell ‘em, Matt! Radical feminism is the BEST!”
Or it’s not.
Equality is the best. NOT SAMENESS. Not advancement at the expense of others. Actual equality.
Equal doesn’t have to mean “identical.” Equal doesn’t have to mean “the same.” It can mean simply “has the same value.” We’ll get into that shortly.
A significant number of feminists (and some subsection of men’s rights groups) want just that—equality.
Fairness. Non-bullshitty fairness for everyone. I like those people and I hope they join my new cult.
Actions and words that lift people up WITHOUT tearing down others in the process are best.
Feminists and Men’s Rights Activists promoting equality for all while NOT being massive dick holes to enemies, real or imagined, deserve our support.
And since I think most people who angrily pit men and women against one another to perpetuate political and social gender wars are scummy shit-eaters, and also think being a cult leader sounds rad, I’ve decided to start one.
Join My Sweet New Cult – YGPCIBS
My cult is going to be awesome, so you’ll definitely want to join it unless you’re already in a gender-politics cult.
My cult teaches ideas that are unpopular with other gender-politics cults—groups that have a stranglehold on the hearts and minds of millions of people, including maybe yours and mine.
My cult has only one member so far because I just invented it five minutes ago, but all are welcome and encouraged to join—especially if you feel like there isn’t a place for you in one of the current batch of gender-obsessed political cults out there.
The name of our new cult is: Your Gender-Politics Cult is Bullshit, or for short, YGPCIBS.
For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Cult Leader Matt. (Hi!)
Yes, I have an agenda. I want our movement to inspire people. Before this is over, I want people who identify with Red Pill philosophy and members of the Women’s Liberation Front to be licking arsenic-free purple Kool-Aid® off of one another.
That’s not the primary goal, mind you. Our primary goal will be to reduce instances of assholery regardless of gender and politics (OR, if already in the non-asshole camp, to continue being awesome).
But just so we’re clear, the porny licking thing will probably be among the cult’s top-three objectives because we’re also going to be a bit juvenile.
‘Hey, Cult Leader Matt! Why Do You Think Feminist and Men’s Rights Groups are Bullshit?’
First, I do not think everything about all feminist or men’s rights groups are bullshit.
I do not think all of the stated beliefs and objectives of these groups are bullshit. And even if I did, I certainly wouldn’t think all individual members of those groups are bullshit.
But, I would say that I perceive an uncomfortably large percentage of any politically motivated gender-based group to NOT be committed to equality, but to winning.
The two groups we need to perpetuate the human species are at WAR with one another. And the hilarious part is that it’s for the same reasons the average couple struggles with communication and understanding one another.
I am firmly and strenuously committed to FAIRNESS. To justice. To actual equality. Not fake-equality.
“Hey, Cult Leader Matt! What’s fake-equality?”
I’ll give you an example.
I have a job where I sit at a desk and spend most of the time typing things on a computer.
All I need to do my job effectively is a laptop computer with internet access. Which means I can pretty much do my job from anywhere connected to the power grid.
But, if I want to keep my job, I’m not allowed to work from wherever I want. If I don’t sit in a designated spot in a specific corporate office building for 40-50 hours per week, they’ll eventually fire me.
That means no working from home. That means no working from coffee shops or restaurants. That even means no working outside on company property on picnic tables or whatever.
Because other people at the company have jobs with a function requiring them to be inside the building. You know, maybe they pack and ship boxes. Maybe they stock shelves. They can’t do those jobs while sitting outside.
And so, if those of us who can do our jobs from anywhere were to be seen working outside on picnic tables, or discovered to be working from off-site locations, “that wouldn’t be fair to all the people who can’t take a laptop with them and get their work done!”
That is fake equality.
Some bureaucrat decided to write a rule that “Everyone Must Be Treated The Same!” without accounting for the fact that all the company executives get an ass-load of financial and schedule perks unavailable to most employees, and that everyone in maintenance gets to work outside all the time.
Treating everyone as if they are “THE SAME” is fake equality.
Real equality is treating everyone equally.
I shouldn’t necessarily get paid the same as the company’s CEO. I shouldn’t necessarily get the same perks as someone who has worked here 25 years.
Parents don’t typically prevent their 18-year-old kids from activities just because it wouldn’t be fair to their 9-year-old siblings. That would be some next-level fake-equality bullshit.
Just like all the anti-men and anti-women political cults out there. They’re just like shitty parents and silly corporate rule-makers.
People are often NOT the same. This reality needs to be okay.
But, all people have equal value. And THAT must be a core principle guiding our treatment of others.
Anyone taking the stance that men—by virtue of their gender—are better than women, or that women are better than men, have been brainwashed and indoctrinated by an evil cult leader somewhere, and they need our help.
When discussing human equality:
- Equal can never mean “the same.”
- Equal must mean “of similar value.”
The Inherent Danger of Us vs. Them
If the aim of a person or group is to gain advantage at the expense of another (outside of activities where competition is inherently involved like sports, business, job candidacy, dating, etc.) then I’m of the mind (and so it is decreed by YGPCIBS) that they’re doing it wrong.
YGPCIBS cult members will not blindly take sides in identity politics.
The same people crying foul about feeling stereotyped are the same people participating in grand-scale groupthink, and exacerbating a bunch of Us vs. Them nonsense.
The only possible end to an Us vs. Them conflict (that isn’t resolved diplomatically) is one side winning and the other side forced into shit-eating submission.
And if you believe all humans have value and don’t aspire to live your one life being a massive penis, then you’re going to want to avoid any zero-sum games involving human wellness.
I remember one male blog commenter writing: “Way to betray your own gender,” under one of my posts. That guy was totally being a massive penis, which I get because I’ve also acted like a massive penis. (I might be being one right now.)
Identity politics—the act of fighting for or against the agendas of a particular group of people—is one of the biggest problems in our world today.
So that guy who accused me of betraying my own gender because I told the truth about what I’ve observed in male behavior (and done myself) that I believe contributes to massive amounts of divorce and broken families—does he think I should side with every “group” of which I’m a member?
I mean, I’m also white. Does that guy think I should be a racist cock and join some “oppressed white guy” group that denigrates and fights against the prosperity of anyone who has different skin tones?
I’m also straight. Does that guy think I should start harassing gay people and maybe go commit some hate crimes against anyone who has different opinions and/or personal interests than me in the sexual-intimacy department?
Racism. Bigotry. Sexism. Misogyny. All of these are bad things that have no place in our cult because they violate YGPCIBS’ most sacred core principle: Don’t be evil assholes.
Here’s another thing: I’m exhausted trying to tiptoe around with my words when writing about male-female relationships. I blame all the bullshit cults for this.
There are millions of people out there who have never been exposed to the types of relationship discussions we have here. And if one of the ways to affect positive change in a couple’s relationship, or in someone in the dating pool, is to offer real-world examples that play on gender stereotypes, then I feel I have a moral obligation to do so.
Some of you may not know this, but in the United States, sugary carbonated soft drinks are commonly called one of three different names, depending on which region of the country people are from.
In the Northeast and on the West Coast, people call it “soda.”
In the Midwest, people call it “pop.” (Despite being born in Iowa and spending the majority of my life living in Ohio and Illinois, I’ve said “soda” most of my life.)
In the South, people inexplicably call it “Coke,” even if they’re ordering Pepsi or Mountain Dew or Sprite.
Customer: “I’ll take a Coke with that.”
Waiter: “What kind would you like?”
Customer: “Wild Cherry Pepsi.”
That’s insane, right? It’s a minor miracle Pepsi executives and stock holders aren’t regularly arrested for having violent outbursts every time they witness such an exchange.
I don’t call soft drinks “pop,” even though most people I interact with do. Is it wrong, offensive, insensitive, inherently harmful, or some other negative thing to say that most people in the Midwest call soft drinks “pop”? Even though it’s demonstrably true?
Of course not.
Now, if I say that everyone who calls Mountain Dew “Coke” is a dumb redneck, or that everyone who says “soda” is a liberal, elitist snob, could that be called harmful or wrong?
It’s all about passing the Asshole Test. And you, Male Right’s Activist and Radical Feminist, are failing the Asshole Test. Or passing? I don’t know. Whichever one means: “You’re being an asshole. Please stop.”
Yes, I have written MANY times that I perceive the actions of men to be the biggest negative influence on relationship success.
That doesn’t mean women don’t sometimes (or even, often) suck. It doesn’t mean women are perfect. It doesn’t mean some men aren’t among the most honorable and wonderful people roaming this earth, because some totally are.
It just means that if you line up every single romantic male-female relationship in human history, I believe it’s the stereotypical actions of the common man that we can pinpoint as the root cause of relationship failure most of the time. (Beginning with their relationship, I mean. The ACTUAL root cause is all of the psychological and emotional baggage left over from childhood which they were too young to understand or do anything about. I’d blame the parents, except they ALSO didn’t know any better. Because their parents did the same thing. And so did their grandparents. And so did their great-grandparents.)
Men have a problem.
Math is math. Seven out of 10 divorces are initiated by women.
This is the part where the MGTOW guys cry conspiracy theory, and where The Red Pill guys try to pawn their alpha-beta and female-imperative nonsense.
Umm. No, dipshits.
If your wife left you, one of four things happened:
- You did a shitty job selecting a partner.
- You did a shitty job being a husband and/or father.
- You were two very decent and well-meaning people who accidentally hurt one another so much through the years, that she finally decided to pull the trigger because she was more afraid of being in a painful marriage than she was of living alone and/or losing time with her children. (1 & 2 may still apply.)
- You were the victim of an elaborate, pre-planned con carried out by your spouse over many years, and I’m sorry. That must be really hard. (But, 1 still applies for-sure, and maybe even 2.)
I’m tired of the cult of self-righteous, know-it-all feminists and butt-hurt men freaking out if I dare to suggest that men and women commonly display certain stereotypical behaviors.
If the path to understanding that other people often think, feel and experience things in radically different ways than we do comes courtesy of examples of what a person’s opposite-sex partner might commonly experience, and then a bunch of previously irreconcilable relationship differences can be reconciled, and fewer people feel miserable and like dying after a bad breakup or divorce, then I’m having a LOT of trouble identifying the downside.
That’s a worthy cause. This trying to help-people-not-divorce thing. It’s one YGPCIBS is committed to.
OF COURSE not every member of a particular group exhibits identical traits as every other group member. Gender. Religion. Race. Geography. Even identical twins developed from the same genome frequently demonstrate radical differences in personality and temperament.
We are all individuals.
I’m tired of the cult that is Men’s Rights Activists, including the MGTOW guys, and the internet tough guy Red Pillers and their bottomless barrel of bullshit.
You’ll find guys who label themselves as Men’s Rights Activists to be the least-annoying sect of the men’s cult scene because they have several good intentions and redeeming qualities.
They do a good job fighting for parenting rights for fathers, and for the civil rights of men who are sometimes unjustly crucified in domestic violence cases where they were actually the victims.
Men’s Rights Activists help draw attention to some telling statistics related to men’s wellbeing in 2017.
- Men kill themselves five times more often than women.
- Teenage boys kill themselves nine times more often than teenage girls.
- Men are twice as likely as women to be alcoholics or drug addicts.
- Men are four times more likely to be clinically depressed than women the same age.
- Men are victims of the majority of violent crime (but they also cause the vast majority of it).
- Men more often occupy the world’s most dangerous jobs.
- During an emergency, it is still the cultural norm in virtually every society in the world to get the women and children to safety first, because men are deemed more expendable. Count the death totals from every military conflict in human history. Every tribe, undeveloped and developed nation in the world systematically sends their men to die first.
These are not insignificant facts. It would be intellectually dishonest and patently unfair to dismiss them when discussing men’s issues in 2017.
But then we also have the MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) clan and Red Pillers (which mostly exist in a loosely formed way on the subreddit r/The RedPill).
MGTOW members reject any type of long-term personal relationship with women. No marriage. No cohabitation. Not even something like driving to pick up the child of a single mother. They avoid any action which they say “might be used in courts to turn him into her legal indentured servant.”
This is where all the butt-hurt Men’s Rights and MGTOW guys lose me, because they don’t accept any responsibility for their choices. They don’t own their shit.
I have an idea, assholes: DON’T MARRY PEOPLE WHO DO HEINOUS AND EVIL THINGS.
Hell, don’t marry anyone who annoys you a lot. Don’t marry anyone for any reason you can come up with! The fewer bad marriages we have, the better.
What’s so lame about their whining is that they never raise their hands and accept responsibility for:
- Whatever bullshit they brought to their failed marriage.
- Whatever poor judgment they displayed to MARRY someone so horrible.
That’s why so many of these guys like to go to the “ALL women do this!” card. It alleviates them of having to take responsibility for anything, or change any of their asshole behaviors.
Anyway. You get it. Many of them are dicks, and my YGPCIBS cult is better than theirs.
The Red Pill is a philosophy, and reddit.com/r/TheRedPill is its home.
According to an article in the NewStatesman, “the nearly 200,000-subscriber-strong subreddit describes itself as a place for the ‘discussion of sexual strategy in a culture increasingly lacking a positive identity for men.’ In itself, perhaps this doesn’t sound too bad.
“In practice, to ‘swallow the Red Pill’ is to accept the uncomfortable truth about reality. The phrase comes from 1999’s hit film The Matrix, in which the protagonist Neo must choose between the Red Pill – which would allow him to escape the Matrix but see the real, darker world – and the Blue Pill – continued existence in his comfortable, but ultimately fake, life.
“In r/TheRedPill’s instance, the ‘dark truths’ that the subreddit’s subscribers have swallowed are these: feminism is toxic, sexism is fake, men have it harder than women, and everything the media teaches about relationships is a lie. In reality, (the argument goes) women don’t want soft-centered men/chocolates; they want to be dominated, controlled, and manipulated. The most extreme Red Pillers even believe that women want to be raped [by “high-status” men].”
If any of you guys remember a blog commenter here named Jeff Strand (a fake name), he was a Red Pill guy. He remains the only person in four years of blogging here that I’ve ever had to ban from commenting, and it had NOTHING to do with silencing his dissenting opinions, and everything to do with him being an intolerably dark-souled shit-eater.
There are always extremes.
Shades of grey, if you will.
I believe there are decent men out there who call themselves MGTOW or Red Pillers.
But I think their ideas are inherently dangerous, and jeopardize the futures of our sons and daughters.
I May Be a Shitty Cult Leader, but Our Awesome Cult Beliefs are Worth Believing (Unless They’re Not)
Here’s a summarized YGPCIBS overview, and my qualifications (or lack thereof) for being a cult leader.
No, I don’t know any good mind-control techniques. I Googled “how to be a successful cult leader” before writing this and according to the only article I read on effective cult-leadership, I’m doomed to be a shitty cult leader. Bummer.
Yes, I hope you send me ungodly amounts of money. I apparently need to build an elaborate cult headquarters somewhere to fit in. Maybe a remote compound. Maybe a high-rise office building. Just somewhere with a nice swimming pool and plenty of high-end tequila, please.
If you’re already in a gender cult, you’re inevitably going to hate YGPCIBS. Some of your reasons will be foolish and immature. (My cult believes things that challenge and contradict your cult’s beliefs). Some of your reasons will be totally valid and appropriate. (My cult called your cult “bullshit”—and meant it.)
A successful cult leader insists that her or his cult’s beliefs are THE ONLY WAY.
People who think they have discovered the magical secret to Life and the Universe—and that only they are RIGHT, and everyone else in the world and human history is WRONG—scare me. This is among the many reasons I won’t succeed as cult leader.
A successful cult leader asks for a suspension of disbelief. And sure, I want you to suspend your own beliefs for a hot minute to ask good questions and challenge any false beliefs you may have, but by joining YGPCIBS I don’t want you to believe aliens flying a spaceship near the Hale-Bopp Comet will magically beam you up to a VIP Comet Party that only you and your 38 closest human friends are invited to IF you kill yourself. Remember: If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is!
A successful cult leader aggressively recruits new members. It’s totally possible this is the last time I ever mention YGPCIBS because I often struggle with follow-through.
A successful cult leader convinces you that you’re always wrong. But you’re not ALWAYS wrong. Maybe not even most of the time. You’re just often wrong. Like me.
A successful cult leader teaches a superhuman model of perfection, and promises to show you how to achieve that state of being. But there is no state-of-being destination for the human condition. The curse of “succeeding” as a human being is that one rarely feels successful, and the feeling is short and fleeting when we do. Successful people rarely think and feel that what they’ve done is good enough. They’re already chasing the next thing. Exceptional people don’t think they’re exceptional because they’re often in a constant cycle of trying and failing to achieve what might be an unattainable ideal.
I don’t believe we get to the top of a mountain one day and think Awesome! Now I’m done and can just feel great every day while I party and stuff! No. Mountain climbers look for higher mountains to climb, or more challenging ways to climb the dangerous mountain again.
A successful cult leader suppresses dissent. I encourage challenging questions. If I can’t answer them, it means I have more to learn.
Every disagreement has THREE possible outcomes and two of them are awesome:
- You help someone understand something they didn’t understand before.
- You learn something you didn’t know and correct a false belief.
- You cling stubbornly to a false belief.
A successful cult leader convinces the group members that they are special and that our specialness makes us better and more important than everyone else. But we’re not special. And it’s okay.
I won’t succeed as a cult leader because I KNOW that I’m not better than you. I know we’re not better than them.
I know that we’re all flawed and a little bit broken. That we’re occasionally weak and afraid. That we’re often selfish and thoughtless. That for every good thing we do, we also are capable of harming others even if we don’t intend to.
This world has ONE chance, and it sure as shit isn’t pitting the genders against one another.
The continuation of our species DEPENDS on men and women working cooperatively and having intercourse and stuff.
To make little humans and raise them to be the kind of people who want to be in good cults like YGPCIBS and not huge-asshole ones.
Many men—most men—have exceptional qualities. Awesome ones. Look for them. Appreciate them. Because the world needs them.
Many women—most women— have exceptional qualities. Awesome ones. Look for them. Appreciate them. Because the world needs them.
We need each other. Need.
And even if we didn’t, my hetero brethren and sisthren, stop being dishonest little sacks and acting like we don’t want each other.
Now, who has the purple Kool-Aid?