Tag Archives: Female rating system

The Female Rating System


This old lady does not approve of the rating system. In related news, she’s a 2-2-3. Unless I drink a lot of tequila. Then? Maybe a 2-1-3.


Three little numbers.

That’s what I’ve reduced women to here.

Check that. That’s what Ryan and whoever invented his little female rating system has done.

It’s horrible and hilarious all at the same time.

To be clear, it’s only accidently demeaning to women. The rating system’s sole purpose is to communicate with other men what you’re thinking in a way he can understand via quick text message.

Ryan is my neighbor. Even though he’s five years younger than me, he has his doctorate and is way more successful than I am, personally and professionally.

He has a great job. He has a gorgeous and brilliant girlfriend. He has more cars than I do. His house is nicer. Basically, everything about his life is better than mine. It’d be annoying if I didn’t like him.

Ryan introduced me to, and may have invented, the Three Poles in the Pond theory.

He became my neighbor the same week my wife moved out. He’s at least passively interested in my dating situation.

When I told him I was going on my first date in more than a dozen years, he asked me to send him her digits.

“You want her phone number?”

“No. You don’t know the three-digit rating system?” he asked.

“Dude, I’ve been married,” I said.

“Okay,” he said. “It’s like this…”

The Rating System

Three numbers.

1. The Face Rating (Scale: 1-10)
This is not an exact science.
Whenever I have rated a girl on a scale of 1-10, I’ve never believed a 6 was a very good rating. You know? The way a big red 73% isn’t exactly something you’re proud to see at the top of your high school math test.
Anything rated five and up is good in Ryan’s eyes.
“That’s above average!” he says.
I think he’s full of shit. I employ a more stringent rating method. But I make bad decisions so I’m probably doing it wrong.

2. Would You Sleep with Her? (Yes = 1. No = 2.)

Level of desperation, the lunar cycle and alcohol consumption could all come into play on this one.
But there’s no ambiguity. The second number is an important piece of information. And you only have two choices. Would you? Or wouldn’t you?
This is the part where really important things like personality, chemistry and self-respect come into play.

3. The Body Rating (Scale: 1-10)

Just like the Face Rating.
But everyone likes different things, so these ratings are always subjective.
Some men like chesty women. Others like petite ones.
Some men prefer thicker hind ends. The curvy look.
Some like tall women. Or athletes. Or BBWs.

My first date in a dozen years was a 7-1-6 in my estimation.

My second date was a 9-2-7.

So, chemistry goes a long way with me.

Ryan still remembers old girlfriends and women he has met by their numbers. He and his friends still banter about the 8-1-7 from that one night last year, or the 3-2-10 that got drunk with them on their last camping trip.

On my first date, Ryan insisted I text him the numbers.

So the first time she went to the restroom at the bar, I texted to Ryan: “7-1-6.”

“Yeah man. Take her home!” was his response. He’s an excellent combination of polite gentleman and total savage.

I don’t have a good sense of how offensive women will consider this. But I’m curious to find out.

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