Hi. I’m Matthew Fray, but most people call me Matt when they’re not calling me “talented and brilliant,” or a “stupid hack blogger who sucks.”

I write about marriage, relationships and divorce a lot because after my nine-year marriage ended, life got really hard—even regular things like breathing and sitting still. That experience, combined with how much I didn’t like my parents’ divorce when I was little, keeps me writing things down.

Some people like it and say it helps them make sense of current and former relationships.

I tell people about my marriage and divorce, because sometimes it helps others recognize similarities in their lives and relationships. Maybe they will make better choices.

I believe divorce is the biggest social crisis of our time and affects too many of us. 

I write about it often. Sometimes I write about other things, too. Sometimes people care. Sometimes people call me a big, fat, stupid idiot. Sometimes people say the stories help them.

I hope so.

Must Be This Tall To Ride is a metaphor for not being good enough. We all feel inadequate in certain situations or with certain people. I think that’s bad, and that it collectively makes our lives worse.

I don’t think we have to feel that way.

I think about, talk about, read about and write about the human experience as I see it, in an effort to live better. To stand and walk taller.

It’s awesome that you’re here. Thank you.

You can subscribe to this blog by scrolling annoyingly far down this page past the comments and enter your email address under “Follow Blog via Email.” I typically post twice per week, and will never spam you. You can also follow MBTTTR on Twitter and Facebook.

426 thoughts on “About MBTTTR

  1. Jeff Strand says:

    No, I made exactly the point I wanted to. You are so full of yourself that you think you can dictate or control what I say. Sorry hon, it don’t work that way.

    You say “everyone is different”. But you also describe yourself as loud, masculinized, bodily hairy, an obnoxious drunk, and quite clearly a feminist. So that’s you, and I really couldn’t care less. I’m not trying to change you, get it?

    My message is to the young unmarried men who will read this. I’m trying my best to get them to realize that they don’t have to settle for a woman like you. Anymore than a young, hot, feminine chick with a lot going for her would settle for a swishy, feminine guy who lives in his parent’s basement playing video games and jerking off to porn all day.

    Sure, there is some girl out there for the guy I just described. She could marry him and accept him as he is – because “everyone is different”, right? But a girl with options is going to pass on him, and I’m making the case that men with options should likewise take a pass on feminists like you. Maybe a “pump and dump” be OK, but that’s it.

    Men, don’t let anyone shame or sucker you into seriously dating (or God forbid, marrying) a feminist. Don’t fall for those tropes “man up and marry that feminist” or “man up and marry that slut.” That’s a sucker’s game. Instead, make up your mind you’re going to marry a sweet, feminine, traditional girl…and live happily ever after.

    Those girls out there, believe me.


    • latenightblond says:

      A man comfortable with himself and his choices, happy with his marriage and his happy wife – and yet so deliberately hostile and rude… I find it both surprising and curious that you’re on this site, drawn to this subject, and invested enough to respond – not once but twice. After reading your comments I find myself wondering if you’ve had a bad experience that still clings, if you simply like to argue or if your wife is as happy as you present her to be. You sound bitter with a well honed edge to the ax you’re grinding. I wish you peace to go with the happiness you say you have.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Jeff Strand says:

        I’m not bitter, I just hate to see so many guys today getting a raw deal. Getting the message out to them to avoid feminists like the plague is going to save a lot of decent men from a lot of misery and agony. I mean, those poor guys today are brainwashed into thinking they’re Neanderthals if they don’t want to tie themselves down to a brassy, sarcastic, easily-triggered feminist who will analyze everything they do for signs of misogyny – and who has spent years riding the c*ck carousel and collecting a few STI’s along with all that experience on their knees.

        So these men need to be de-programmed. Take the red pill, so to speak.

        I guess stating the case I am making boldly, and in an unapologetic and straightforward way, comes across to you as hostile because you’re used to hearing from mangina and white knights who put feminists on a pedestal. That needs to stop too.

        Good luck to you.


  2. sewheeler06 says:

    latenightblond I couldn’t agree more. His perfect wife must have gotten tired of hearing him rant endlessly, so he had to turn to strangers on the internet.

    He never did tell me what a perfect man is supposed to be like…🤔

    Hey Jeff, I don’t think any young unmarried men on this site are going to sift through the comments long enough to find your opinions anyway. If they do, I hope they realize that a swift lobotomy can make any nasty whore into the Jeff Strand Woman Of Their Dreams!!!


    • Jeff Strand says:

      So traditional girls like my wife are lobotomy victims? Because a gal would have to be crazy to be sweet, feminine, supportive, and submissive to her husband’s leadership of the family unit….right? (Or are they “nasty whores”?)

      Men, there you have it…right from the horse’s mouth. That kind of nastiness (and jealousy) is typical. If you are foolish enough to marry a feminist like this, don’t be surprised at the misery for are in for. They are very bitter, damaged women and they are not wife material.


  3. Felicia says:

    Love your stuff dude.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. sewheeler06 says:

    Hey Jeff,

    Have a good day today! I forgive you for being totally rude and offensive.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jeff Strand says:

      Have a good day yourself. And I didn’t ask for your “forgiveness”, any more than you asked for mine after you called my wife a lobotomy victim or a “nasty whore”. Because that’s not rude or offensive right? Typical feminists – she points out the speck in her brother’s eye while she ignores the plank in her own.

      I also feel sorry for you, that you apparently aren’t smart enough to understand that just because someone disagrees with you and says so directly and unapologetically…this doesn’t automatically constitute rudeness or being offensive. But I suppose you would take it that way…being a loud, brash feminist whose beta male hubby constantly kisses your ass.

      Also, thank you for helping me make my point that men should stay far away from feminists (and sadly, most of American women have been contaminated by feminist doctrines). I would think anyone reading your post, and how you even describe yourself, would see very clearly the point I am making…and take it to heart. So thanks for serving as an example of the typical type of woman who is not wife material. You did a lot of good this way, without even realizing it.


      • latenightblond says:

        Really – you just couldn’t step away. You sure do get a lot of exercise grinding that ax, don’t you? All that from her one liner? No one reading this thinks there’s a little speck your eye. I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t even ask people to start guesstimating the size of the plank you have. I’m also sure that if you took names off the exchanges and let your wife read them, she’d think you rude and offensive and I would agree with her. People can disagree without making personal digs.

        Frankly, men thinking they have to ‘settle’ for a particular type of woman because someone else told them they should is just as pathetic and idiotic as women doing the same thing. And who wants to be the partner of somebody’s ‘should’? I hope your wife is with you because she loves and adores you, because being with you brings out the best in her and you too, that the two of you are are great team together and that what she naturally brings to your marriage meshes beautifully with what you give and provide for her. It would be sad if your wife was with you because her parents told her she should be, that she only stays because she can’t think of a way to have what she really wants, that she goes along with what you want because she doesn’t like disagreements or that she’s given up wanting more and has settled for what she has because “it could be so much worse”. If she knows herself and knows what she wants (from life and a relationship) and you’re it – man, you’re golden! Hold on and never let go, be grateful every day. She brings her real self to your real self and it works. (That what works for her is a “traditional” role is beside the point because she’s not being forced into a mold, that particular mold fits her.) Everyone should have that, be in that kind of relationship. Women and men should both be able to be themselves in the relationship they choose that works for both of them – and if it doesn’t look like yours, so be it. There are men who would look at your wife and think her perfect; some men might think her a boring, bland doll and far prefer an independent, sexy and outgoing woman. And some women might take a glance at you, thinking “just the kind of man I like”, while the next woman’s thought is “too yawn-worthy” and prefer a more spontaneous, color-outside-the-lines kind of guy. As my grandmother (a very wise, kind and tolerant traditional woman) said, ‘For every pot, there is a lid.” Your message should be “Men – figure out what you like, what you enjoy, what you love and find it. Don’t settle. Go get it.” (Which is not – if you’re wondering – what you’re putting out there.) The message should also be the same for women.

        Liked by 2 people

  5. Jeff Strand says:


    I already addressed your point about “every pot has a lid”, but apparently it went right over your head. You are saying the same thing sewheeler said with her “everybody is different.”

    And I reject that because it’s not coming in good faith. Taken at face value, you are saying we can’t make ANY generalizations, and that’s ridiculous. Saying that loud, aggressive, bodily hairy, sarcastic, pushy, independent, obnoxious when drunk, feminists are just as much wife material as sweet, soft spoken, supportive, submissive, sexy, traditional girls is just like saying the following (see if you agree):

    “Grown men who live at home with mom and dad in their basement, playing video games and watching worn, who are 75 pounds overweight with poor overall hygiene, socially awkward, and who have no ambition or drive and work a minimum wage job…are just as attractive to women and are just as much husband material as the sharp, ambitious, outgoing, successful, well-groomed and fit, financially successful man who possesses an easy confidence with women.”

    How can I say such a thing? Simple – everybody’s different and for every pot there’s a lid! Right? But yet would you advise your best friend (or your daughter) to marry that first guy? Well, we all know if you say yes then you are lying. See, it’s the same idea. So we CAN generalize.

    But the difference is, no one pressures women to “woman up” and marry that first guy. Instead everybody just calls him a loser and moves on. That doesn’t mean he can’t ever find a wife – it just means a women with options is very likely to take a pass on him.

    In contrast, young men are actively brainwashed into thinking they should “man up” and marry an aggressively feminist chick…or else they are somehow threatened by her or such nonsense. They are told they are a crude Neanderthal if they express interest for a sweet, submissive, traditional girl who will assume a supportive role in the relationship (and later, family). Guys who fall for this brainwashing very often end up in a bad way.

    Thank goodness, more guys are waking up. And I’m certainly doing my part to get the following message out – be unapologetic in saying you will only marry a sweet, supportive, submissive, traditional girl and that you want nothing to do with feminist-leaning chicks. And don’t care one bit what anyone says about that.

    And leave the feminist pots alone – their cats can be their lids. ;-)


  6. Kelly says:

    I believe he is “for real” but I hope this comment section will eventually realize that nothing you say to him will change his mind and the only way to get him to stop is to stop responding to him completely. The mentality is such that you kind of have to start treating him like a child.
    Also, go CAVS!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Kelly says:

    I may or may not have cried a little.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Jeff Strand says:

    If you think the Cavs was something, just wait till the Fall when the Cubbies win it all…for the first time since 1908! They’ll be dancing in the street down on Rush Street!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Kim says:

    I’ve read your entire blog…in one night, last night. I so badly want your epiphanies to be my husband’s. I’ve cried and hoped for years my good guy would recognize all the great things our life together has to offer. I am a wife who realizes today I am married to the old you. My marriage is over and I’m the only one who knows it. The hope I’ve held onto for so long is gone. I’ve also withdrawn of physically intimacy. Divorce has NEVER been an option for me. For better or for worse. I meant it. I realize letting him go will be the last sacrifice I make for my marriage. I hope for him to find a better him, so as to not repeat the same mistakes. We’ve been together 20 years, married for 8. He is asking for a divorce. Too add specifics would be redundant for you and your readers. Actually, I think I feel some relief now. I really want to thank you for making me realize he will not recognize his role in this mess until it’s over. I hope your valuable insight is found by all the husbands and wives out there struggling to find a better marriage before it’s too late. Your advice really is an outline on how we all should treat one another. Thanks again…Best wishes to you Matt.


    • Hi Kim….I could have written this very same comment; only difference is the years: 25 together, and married 14 years for me. Divorce war is ongoing still 11 months and counting.
      Thank you Matt….you are an inspiration. May men be enlightened by your raw honesty. ♥

      Liked by 2 people

      • Matt says:

        Thank you for taking the time to say so, Chrissy. I hope you’re okay and that things settle for you soon.

        I really appreciate you reading and commenting.


    • Matt says:

      Apologies for the delayed response, Kim. I’m having a lot of trouble keeping up anymore.

      I know how hard all of this is. I get to sit in this comfortable place now, and be totally distracted by “regular” life happenings, but I swear to you, I remember how suffocating it can all be. You sound relatively well, and I hope that’s really the case.

      Divorce is hard.

      I think when we do things the “right” way, we expedite the healing process and get to the place where we’re just… living again.

      Best wishes to you Kim.


  10. sewheeler06 says:


    I aspire to write like you, so clearly and thoughtfully. Thank you for your kind wisdom.



  11. Maranda says:

    I love this blog Matthew. Your blog was like reading my own life unfold. I’ve been married almost 5 years and everything you write about hits so close to home. Thank you for writing his blog. It is is very insightful and very well written. I love the style of writing you do and it was a joy to read. I wish you much happyness in your life and thank you again for the great read.


  12. Maranda says:

    Very nice blog

    Liked by 1 person

  13. […] **See more from Matthew Fray on his website. […]


  14. Jen says:

    Your blog is amazing, and I relate to it so well, except my husband really does NOTHING to help. I’m the one that’s outside cutting grass, putting baby furniture together (before our son was born), painting the house with the help of his mom, etc. He’s very lazy, but also chauvinistic. He’ll say things like “that’s women’s work.” I sometimes wonder if there’s really any hope for us, but your blog gives me hope.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Michele berry says:

    I’ve been googling for months, trying to find something that would help me to help my shit husband understand what I’ve been trying to tell him. Although I keep screaming the same things in my head over and over, he just doesn’t get it. I won’t go into specifics at this moment. I just wanted to say that your blogs are verbatim what I’ve been trying to say. I was so amazed and thrilled that you have shared this powerful blog.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Alys says:

    My husband is reading this right now and I think it is really speaking to him. Thank you for writing from a man’s perspective since it is so hard for some husbands to hear these things from the wife’s mouth. Now I have to decide if I’m in the apathy stage yet… lol

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Ale V says:

    Thank you so much for this blog! Cried the whole way through.


  18. Valera1602 says:

    everyone should marry who they want by freewill or free choice but then, it’s their own fault if it doesn’t work out. and divorce should be forbidden, like in old times, so people would have more respect for the santity of marriage and family! Only in extreme abuse cases divotce should be allowed or in case of fornicstion outside marriage. This is the way God and our Creator and Lord Jesus Christ wants it. What God has joined, no man should separate.
    Womrn be women and men be men. If everyone would keep his role and their duties properly and treat each other woth reespect and love, understsnding, patience and stop beeing so selfish, and keep their word and promises, divorce would not be any issue.


    • latenightblond says:

      And in a perfect world that might be true – the last part that is, after “treat”. Do you think divorce is something new? If so, you need to read that bible you have again. I’m sure there have been marital problems pretty much since marriage started, since it involves – gender, age and culture aside – people. But this is clearly an imperfect world full of imperfect people (some of whom, like yourself, can’t spell or use spell check) trying to (in the most part) deal with it. And they’re here, like me, trying to do that better, with more understanding.


  19. Quinn says:

    Okay, I just about managed to scroll to the bottom without getting dragged into a troll-baiting argument with Jeff. That would have been a wholly unproductive use of my time and would probably have ended with me slamming my laptop shut in despair so I’m glad I dodged that trapdoor… He’s everywhere! Omnipresent Jeff.

    ANYWAY! I’m obviously late to this party, but I like your blog! Nice to meet you Matt!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Matt says:

      Many thanks, Quinn. I read a couple of your posts. You’re a talented and funny writer.

      Thanks for being real and human. The world needs as much of that as possible.

      Cheers from the States, miss. #Smithwicks

      Liked by 1 person

  20. The Angel says:

    Hi Matt,

    Did u read the book, games people play by eric bern? If not, it would be great to read your feelings and thoughts about the book in general and also in context of marriage and things you mention on the blog… thanks



    • Matt says:

      I haven’t, Angie. Is the book especially meaningful to you in some way? Is it one of the books that’s impacted you the most?

      Or do you simply believe it applies to things being discussed here?


  21. Nicole Perry says:

    I think your article about the husband leaving the glass next to the sink just saved my marriage .. thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. monaresa says:

    So much of what you say resonates with me. I love that your blog isn’t all about blaming the other person and making them out to be the bad person; as so many blogs about divorce are. Great blog!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Matt says:

      Hey! I just shared one of your posts last night on Twitter because it was outstanding and steeped in hard truth.

      This one: https://convincingchaos.com/2017/02/27/the-stuff-no-one-tells-you-about-divorce/

      So good. Thank you for writing it.

      Also, thanks for sending this note. I could tell from your post that you went through the same cycle that I did, only I don’t know where you are in the timeline.

      I’m just a few days away from completing Year 4.

      Each year has gotten substantially better than the year before, minus the parts that involve our children.

      Thank you for saying hi.

      I’m going to give myself a reminder to share your post on FB later (not a huge audience – sorry), but it definitely deserves more eyeballs.

      I can’t tell you how important I think it is for people to see, read, hear, and feel other people who know the same hardships.

      The raw power of that “I’m not the only one” feeling is — to me — incalculably significant.

      So, again, thank you for putting your insides on display.

      It matters.

      Liked by 1 person

      • monaresa says:

        Thank you for this. And thank you so much for sharing. I’ve been divorced for almost 6 years and yes, it does get better as every year goes by.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Matt says:

          And you can still capture all the things like they just happened yesterday.

          I don’t know whether to be sorry as a fellow divorcee, or jealous as a writer.

          You’re very welcome for sharing. I thought it was particularly good. If everything you write is like that, many people will read it one day.

          Liked by 1 person

  23. Cyndy Jaramillo says:

    YOU are the most awesome writer. I cannot stop reading your blogs. It’s like you’re a secret therapist, helping me get through this shit show of a marriage. I wish and hope that I can eventually find someone like you to live the rest of my life with after this divorce.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Matt says:

      Too kind. I’m so sorry you’re going through all the shit right now.

      Don’t try to find someone like me, please. Just be an amazing you and the person who deserves and fits and complements you will just happen.

      Rooting for you.


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