8 Ways Good People Invalidate Their Partners and Ruin Relationships


NOTE: Listen to the audio version of this article here.

That’s an important word—“invalidate.” But I haven’t always thought so.

My wife would sometimes ruin an otherwise perfectly good night at home or dinner conversation by accusing me of “invalidating her feelings,” to which I’d usually roll my eyes at my silly, overly sensitive wife and her cute little feelings.

Feelings aren’t facts, right? So facts matter and feelings don’t—a convenient excuse to fall back on any time the topic was about something impacting her emotionally but not affecting me.

“It’s always about what Matt wants,” she’d say. I’d get angry (and all of the sudden feelings mattered!) and remind her that she’s the one who started it by freaking out because I apparently didn’t do or say what she wanted me to. I’m not a mind-reader, freak-o!

Even today, I’m guilty of thinking back on my marriage as a relationship with fights about things that didn’t matter. Little, insignificant things we’d blow out of proportion. A dozen years of being unable to see the forest for the trees.

EVERY one of those fights mattered. They signaled that something was wrong and I dismissed or ignored that for years, probably because it hadn’t started hurting yet. EVERY one of those fights was the result of a conversation where one or both of us made a thoughtless, selfish, emotionally impulsive and undisciplined choice.

Only masochists who hate themselves would create and execute an action plan to sabotage every conversation they have to provoke an emotionally unpleasant fight for one or both relationship partners–especially knowing the end of that story was a messy divorce and broken home.

Most of us aren’t masochists who hate ourselves.

Most of us are just a little bit broken and a lot bit uninformed about the healthy and unhealthy behaviors that make marriage and dating relationships thrive vs. the ones that poison and destroy them.


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Emotional Cyborgs and Fake Stoicism are the Life of the Invalidation Party

“Really? You want to talk about validating someone’s feelings? God, you’re such a pussy,” some internet tough guy might be thinking.

And I understand that because I used to be an internet tough guy too and throughout my life have pretended that things that hurt or upset me weren’t actually hurting or upsetting me. (That’s an example of validating someone’s thoughts and feelings even if you disagree with them.)

I thought if people knew the truth—that my feelings were hurt—that they’d view me as some wimpy bitch. Not a Real Man. Boys don’t cry!

Having my Man Card was important to me. It’s important to most guys, near as I can tell. The thinking seems to be: If you have your Man Card, the guys will accept me and the ladies will want me.

It’s funny how we ignore the obvious truth of how cowardly it is to pretend to be something we’re not because we’re afraid of what others will think about the Real Us.

We are ACTUALLY BEING the very thing we’re afraid of, or accusing others of being, when we put on our masks to hide our true and authentic thoughts and feelings.

To be sure, there ARE people who demonstrate a high level of stoicism and emotional consistency. People who seem consistently steady, regardless of what’s happening around them. People who are being authentically true to themselves amid their stoicism are awesome, and probably great behavior models to aspire to—because we probably shouldn’t let our emotions affect us as much as we do.

But in the interest of pragmatism, it’s pretty important to deal in reality. In real life, almost nothing influences human behavior as much as our emotions do. Just ask every successful marketing pro in world history.

So yeah. I want to talk about invalidating people’s feelings because it was routinely part of my conversations with my wife—EVEN when we weren’t disagreeing or fighting. It was my routine invalidation of the things she might have been thinking or feelings that ultimately CAUSED the fight or relationship-damaging moment. One of the thousands of paper cuts that would eventually cause our marriage to bleed to death.

Good People with Good Hearts Do This All the Time

Dudes often get bent out of shape about a series of posts called An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, as well as one called Your Wife Thinks You’re a Bad Husband Because You are One.

They lose their shit as if I’m attacking their character or not calling their mom again after our first date.

I understand this reaction also, because I too would lose my shit when I felt as if my wife was constantly telling me how I was failing her and our marriage despite feeling like a good human being who would do anything for her, and as if I’d sacrificed a lot on her behalf in order to share a life together. (More validation!)

Being a lousy husband like I was DOES NOT make you a bad person any more than an inability to prove advanced mathematical theorems like Will Hunting would make you a bad person.

We accidentally destroy our relationships. It’s an idea that’s been beaten to death on this blog and will be beaten to death some more in the book I’m writing. (For real, this time.)

I was reading through various psychology articles on invalidating others as a tactic for winning an argument, or as a means of trying to convince someone or ourselves that something is better or worse than what it is.

In doing so, I found eight common invalidation techniques people use in all kinds of conversations with everyone they talk to—not just their partners. I realized that people who are otherwise wonderful do this, and accidentally ruin their relationships with people who want to love them, but eventually stop subjecting themselves to that person’s invalidating bullshit.

8 Common Invalidation Methods That Accidentally Destroy Relationships

1. Misunderstanding What Validation Is

Sometimes my wife would tell me a story about one of her friends or something that happened at work. Sometimes, when she told me the story, I would find myself disagreeing with her assessment, and defending her friend, or otherwise taking a different viewpoint than she did. I thought I was “being fair.” I thought I was calling it like I saw it. Being real and stuff. But what I was doing was confusing Validation with Agreement. I didn’t have to agree with her to look for the very real reasons why she felt as she did, and then express that I understood her perspective.

“I get it, babe. I’m sorry you have to deal with that at work on top of everything else. I know it gets hard sometimes,” would have worked fine. Instead of “It seems to me you’re overreacting. Maybe if you did X, Y, and Z, your dumb girl feelings wouldn’t be interrupting my dinner,” which I didn’t actually say, but she probably heard.

2. Wanting to Fix Feelings

Sometimes people feel sad or angry. We don’t want them to. Maybe for unselfish reasons, but probably for selfish ones too. So we say, “Oh, don’t be sad,” or “You have nothing to feel sad or angry about. Everything is going to be fine. Don’t worry about it.” This is almost always done with the best of intentions, but it also almost always makes you a dick.

When you tell someone who is sad or otherwise upset (involuntarily) to NOT be that way, what they hear is (even from really nice, unselfish people): “Oh, that sucks that you feel that way. Let’s go do something awesome that I want to do instead so that I don’t have to worry about this thing that matters to you but doesn’t impact me.” The first cousin of trying to fix feelings is…

3. Minimizing

Dishes by the sink, yo. Didn’t matter to me, so they SHOULDN’T matter to my wife, right? Because how I experience the world should be indisputable, absolute truth and the unquestioned law of all human behavior, right? For the life of me, I can’t figure out why we’re so shitty about this. Every second of our lives, we experience things through our individual, first-person experiences, and so often it seems, we think EVERYONE—no matter where they’re from or what they’ve been through—should draw all of the same identical conclusions and have identical emotional responses as us.

If someone is acting like something’s important, that we don’t think is important, we minimize it. Make it out like it’s not a big deal and they shouldn’t worry about it. This is ESPECIALLY shitty when someone is upset with OUR behavior, but we disagree that what we’re doing should upset them. You should only do that if you love getting divorced.

4. Hoovering

According to Dr. Karyn Hall, “Hoovering is when you attempt to vacuum up any feelings you are uncomfortable with or not give truthful answers because you don’t want to upset or to be vulnerable. Saying ‘It’s not such a big deal’ when it is important to you is hoovering. Saying someone did a great job when they didn’t or that your friends loved them when they didn’t is hoovering. Not acknowledging how difficult something might be for you to do is hoovering. Saying ‘No problem, of course I can do that,’ when you are overwhelmed, is hoovering.”

We wear masks for all kinds of reasons in our relationships and in our interactions with others. We’re afraid of rejection. We want to be liked. A lot of bad things happen when we’re dishonest—even when they seem like innocent little white lies that are totally harmless.

5. Misinterpreting What It Means to Be Present

Sometimes people think that being in the same room, or the same house, is the same as being WITH someone. We’re not off doing something on our own away from home. We’re right there, watching TV, playing a video game, fiddling with our phone, or whatever. I used to play online poker, watch movies, sports, or TV shows my wife wasn’t interested in, and all kinds of other things that saw her doing things by herself, while I was doing things by myself. I thought it was fine. I always thought it was good that both of us were doing “what we wanted to do.”

But what she wanted to do sometimes, even more than what she might have preferred individually, was to be TOGETHER. Feeling present with each other, and the emotional connections that thrive from shared experiences was something she wanted. Turns out, this is also something NEEDED for relationships, including marriage, to thrive and function well. She knew it. I didn’t. And now we’re not married.

6. Judging

Judging isn’t so different than minimizing. But judging often adds an element of ridicule to the occasion, which can often cause a lot of damage. I already mentioned it earlier—if my wife told me a story, or even just liked or didn’t like something opposite of me—I would react with judgment. Not only was I disagreeing with her, but sometimes I was doing so in ways that made it clear that I believed all of my thoughts and feelings had more value than hers. As if I came to them from some pure and intellectually superior place, and hers were just some stupid girl feelings.

The more I tell these stories, the more horrified I am at my obliviousness through the years, and my blindness to what asshole moves these types of beliefs and behaviors are.

7. Denying

This one’s awesome. We invalidate other people by saying they don’t feel what they are saying they feel. They report what they’re experiencing in real-time, and instead of accepting that—we just tell them they’re mistaken. That they don’t know what they’re saying and feeling, as if we think they’re hallucinating or mentally insane. It’s hilarious in the saddest way possible how common this is.

8. Nonverbal Invalidation

Nonverbal invalidation comes in many forms. The shittiest are obnoxious eyerolls, finger-drumming, or yawning.

The more common and innocent ones are when we drift off during conversation, interrupt, change the subject, check our phone, or any number of nonverbal things that communicate to someone that whatever they’re saying couldn’t possibly be as important as whatever we wish we were doing or discussing.

Unfortunately, this is classic ADHD behavior, and OFTEN done with no intention or awareness of how it’s being received emotionally by someone else. I’ve spent a lifetime doing this, I think, but only in the last few years have had the mental wherewithal to check myself and achieve the self-awareness and focus necessary to keep my eyes and thoughts on the person with whom I’m conversing.

More than half of marriages fail (when you factor in all the still-married people who hate one another). I assume non-married relationships end at an infinitely higher rate, but I don’t have data to support that.

But I don’t need data to know that MOST of the ugliness that arises between two people who began their interpersonal journey totally infatuated with, and interested in, one another grows slowly from a million of these little moments.

Invalidation. It ended my marriage and has surely ruined a number of my other relationships, romantic or otherwise.

What has it done to yours?

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102 thoughts on “8 Ways Good People Invalidate Their Partners and Ruin Relationships

  1. Terri Johnson says:

    All your writing hits a little too close to home…but this one makes me think you’ve been hanging out at my house :) I can’t wait for your book!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Anna says:

    Where to begin…..in this article you are covering a big part of the negative aspects of my now un fixable relationship. It could be me talking or trying to convey the same very feelings to my husband of 25 years…..but i would get a better response from the wall. According to my husband it is all to do with the fact that I bring the sh…up in the first place for the sake of arguing. Apparently, he doesn’t now what ‘validating’ someone feelings is…and I may as well speak gibberish (I’m italian)…but that is just the beginning. Thank you, it is refreshing to hear/ read that a man can actually understand and recognise the damage/devastation that covert controlling behaviour is responsible for. I am very happy to admit that when the s….hits the fan I display ‘fully’ my overt and bruised personality….but that’s not me …..it is my pain, my hurt… 😔


  3. Buzzard Woman says:

    Thank you for your insights and bold sharing of awareness. I trust many will gain personal insights from this article.


  4. Allie says:

    This is by far one of the greatest, well-written, attention keeping articles, on invalidation in relationships, that I have EVER read! Thank you. I finally do not feel so crazy anymore, to know that there are men out there who DO understand how serious this issue is and how damaging it can be to a woman, actually (removing my feminist remark), ANYONE in a romantic relationship. Thank you, for giving me hope that someday my now, who I think of a jerk, boyfriend, will someday, maybe change his ways of behaving and thinking. Invalidation sucks. Period.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Jessica Kaufman says:

      Why would you stay with someone for the hope of validation down the road?

      This is, I think, the main problem with relationships today. We get told we should stay in relationships for what they might bring in the future. That’s ridiculous, isn’t it? Putting up with poor treatment in the hopes it might someday change? Why stay with someone who is a jerk? Do you think he’ll magically stop being a jerk and then you can have the relationship you would like to have?

      Why do women keep doing this? None of my guy friends do it except my ex husband. Who is transgendered.


  5. isthisusernametaken says:

    The “you’re making me feel like a bad boyfriend” thing is intolerable. It’s basically “your emotions are too upsetting for me, couldn’t you just not have them?” I tried to explain to my ex time and again that I was not judging him as a person and only wanted his help to rectify a situation that was upsetting for me but the message never sank in. So frustrating and so very immature.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. SKM says:

    I wandered onto this blog today and this post described exactly what I went through practically every day in my 26 year marriage. I’m not exaggerating when I say practically every day, because every thought or concern I had was always wrong or “nothing”, according to my ex. I didn’t matter how I said what I said, or how I reacted to a situation, there was always something wrong with me and my feelings, and there was never anything wrong with him. The only things that mattered were what mattered to him, never what mattered to me. He tried to explain that he minimized my feelings because he didn’t want me to feel bad, but he always ended up making me feel so much worse. According to him, I always overreacted to things and I was crazy. I was crazy, I was nuts, I was a psycho (that was my favorite, by the way). The worst thing about all of this is that I never realized what this systemic abuse did to my self-esteem until after we split. I am now 6 months post divorce and slowly trying to rebuild my sense of self-worth and my self esteem but the pain I endured for all that time still lingers. Thank you so much for posting; you have no idea how validated I felt while reading it!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Sophie Harold says:

    Oh wow… I just found this article and just…omg, thank you!! This is what my partner has been doing for a year and a half now about the biggest trauma/pain point in my life, and it’s been horribly damaging to our relationship. He says he loves me, and I know he does on his terms at least, which is what makes this so incredibly confusing and hurtful. But when he uses almost every one of these techniques to avoid being uncomfortable with how upset I am (and I totally recognize that that’s 70% of the problem… he doesn’t do emotions, his or anyone else’s), and then blows off or scoffs at the relatively easy concrete requests I’ve made so that I don’t get upset, it feels like something closed off in my chest towards him and I’m struggling to open up again about anything, not just this one issue.

    Like you said about how you felt about your wife, he believes he would do anything for me and to protect me. Ironically, all I need to feel safe and protected and loved is this one thing because it’s that big a deal in my life. I’m pretty self-sufficient otherwise. It’s become a power struggle and it’s about emotional safety and intimacy. You hit the nail on the head. I feel so much more sane having read this. Can’t wait to read your book!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Matt says:

      I’m so glad this mattered to you. Thank you for taking the time to share this note. I hope this situation improves for you.

      It hurts a lot of people. This is a major blind spot for those that do it. I’m really sorry you’re dealing with it.


  8. Veronica says:

    This seems like common things men do, just by virtue of being male. Unless I have been with an someone weird each and every time.


  9. […] was using commonplace, relationship-killing invalidation methods, but I wasn’t doing so maliciously. […]


  10. Karen says:

    Currently my bf is doing this and sees nothing wrong it. Hes invalidated me so much I dont even know what is appropriate to share with him or not anymore. He is constantly telling me I’m crazy or that I have no idea what I’m talking about because it’s just depression talking. We have a kid together but I am wondering if I should just leave him. He swears he just wants to help and “save me from lessons” in the process of him “trying to save me” I have lost myself. I dont feel whole, pieces of me are dying everyday and he couldn’t be more oblivious.


  11. Emma says:

    Wow just wow, I just googled my partner dismisses my feeling and this came up. You have hit the nail on the head here. Im constantly left questioning my feelings after I have been told I am dramatic, sensitive and I have mental health problems.
    But now it looks like me who is actually waking up before him which will be a shame. We are on the edge, I have tried “different” approaches of expressing myself but his high opinion and self adsorbed just either claims I am dramatic or just starts at me with a blank face. He just doesn’t get it and soon he wont be getting “it” at all!


    • Matt says:

      Thank you, Emma. I’m sorry that it’s happening to you. I hope you can find an effective way to communicate it to him so that he learns how to see what’s happening.

      He thinks it’s an opinion. One you can change.

      He’s totally missing the part where this causes you actual, measurable pain.

      That’s the part that should motivate him to adjust his behavior. He would never intentionally hurt you. He needs to see the pain. Understand that it’s real. And then he’ll have a frame of reference for not doing that anymore.

      I don’t believe he wants you to hurt.

      Maybe don’t think of this as asking him to stop harming you. That can feel like being attacked.

      Maybe try recruiting him to cooperatively help you not feel intense pain accidentally caused by something he said or did without realizing it was hurting you.

      That subtle reframing can change everything.

      But he has to be on board and respect you enough to actually listen and try to understand. And I promise I remember how good I was at NOT doing that in my marriage.

      Good luck, Emma.


      • Jessica Kaufman says:

        I’m gonna be honest here, asking someone who is already invalidating your every comment to cooperatively help you not feel intense pain is going to make the abuse worse. OMG talk about getting laughed at, ridiculed, and made to feel even worse lol. I’ve tried that. They will just again dismiss what you say. If they cared about how you were feeling to begin with, or believed what you said about how it made you feel, then they wouldn’t be doing it or they would listen to you when you said something. Because they are doing it means they can’t see what they are doing, and people don’t change without a significant trigger, and even then rarely. There really isn’t anything you can say to someone who believes that they are always right and the other person is “too emotional.” It’s actually it’s own form of emotional thinking and you’re not going to be able to logic someone out of it. Have you ever spoken to an anti-vaxxer? Same emotional thinking. It’s ego, really. You can’t fix that. In my experience of having nearly every male in my life do this, you have to leave before they see the harm they are doing. Sadly even then they often don’t see what they are doing. You can’t change people, especially not with “subtle reframing.” Hitting them on the head (metaphorically speaking) doesn’t get their attention. Subtle is a waste of time, it is once again pandering to someone else’s bad behavior and martyrdom. Honestly, Matt, is that “subtle reframing” a joke? That sounds like it has to be a joke.

        I can appreciate what you are trying to say here, Matt, but once again you are blaming the victim. So because he doesn’t want you to hurt, supposedly, he needs to be treated with kid gloves? If he didn’t want you to hurt, he would listen in the first place when told, hey, you’re hurting me. How do you expect this woman to “show her pain” other than by saying, hey, you’re causing me pain? What else do you think someone will listen to, if not that? Crying? That engenders ridicule. Why does she have to be mom in order to get him to act like an adult?

        And I am seriously asking these questions, Matt. I appreciate this article, but you need to see how you are still blaming the victim here and letting abusers be the victims here. They are not.

        I just can’t get over you saying that….”But he has to be on board and respect you enough to actually listen…” Dude, if he was willing to do that she wouldn’t be here commenting. So……maybe you should work on that not invalidating people thing some more, Matt.


      • Jessica Kaufman says:

        I mean, honestly. Did YOU ever listen when your wife said you were hurting her? So why do you think that will work for this woman? Did “subtle reframing” help your now ex-wife? No, it sounds like the divorce was primarily because you were not a good husband. Maybe try and think back to what would have gotten YOUR attention when YOU were being this way to your now ex-wife. What worked with you? Or what do you imagine might have worked had she tried it?


  12. Eric says:

    It seems that I’m the rare male who is the emotionally intelligent one in the relationship. I have a female partner that, as soon as I moved in with her, became a nightmare of emotional invalidation. She performs a great deal of the behaviors on this list. I can’t remember even one instance where I could say something about how I feel and it wasn’t immediately met with gaslighting, insults upon my masculinity, some turnaround about how this has wronged her rather than me, and, the most common, how my feelings just don’t make sense and are irrational.

    The truly odd part is that I am an INTP personality type (supposedly one of the least emotionally sensitive types) and she is an INFJ personality type (supposedly one of the most emotionally intelligent), but I know better than to invalidate feelings like this.


  13. It seems that I’m the rare male who is the emotionally intelligent one in the relationship. I have a female partner that, as soon as I moved in with her, became a nightmare of emotional invalidation. She performs a great deal of the behaviors on this list. I can’t remember even one instance where I could say something about how I feel and it wasn’t immediately met with gaslighting, insults upon my masculinity, some turnaround about how this has wronged her rather than me, and, the most common, how my feelings just don’t make sense and are irrational. Trying to approach her about the issue just leads to more of it.

    The truly odd part is that I am an INTP personality type (supposedly one of the least emotionally sensitive types) and she is an INFJ personality type (supposedly one of the most emotionally intelligent), but I know better than to invalidate feelings like this.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Tiga marie says:

    I am here and reading this because I am an invalidated wife, that is about to be a validated ex wife. I have been trying to think what can I do that can fix things? Is this all my fault? Can I keep ignoring and burying my feelings and hurts to keep peace? Thing is I cant fix anything. My dh sees nothing wrong with his behavior. I just need to get out. I am tired of trying, asking, and begging for change. He says he will work on things at times, but does nothing. He just pacifies me to get me to shut up so he can not be inconvenienced by whatever I have an issue with. Our marriage has never been about what I want and need. I was kept out of everything. I am just his free sex toy that cooks and cleans and a punching bag for his parents. He wants me to go to his parents with him all the time and insists that I have to go or it will be awkward…I hate going because they meddle and bait and make me miserable. It gets to the point I am frowning and cant help but not. Then I get in trouble for being negative…ugh! He allows this sick behavior and even aids them. I put up with this so much and I cant anymore. Been putting up with emotional abuse from him and his parents for 17yrs to the point I am about at rock bottom. I am just glad we dont have kids. I saw a lot of red flags early on, but I was persuaded by being dismissed like I was crazy to the point I started to believe it and had a nervous breakdown and got sent to a mental ward for 11 days. That broke me so bad being in that situation. I have just went down hill after that for almost 6yrs. I am very alone. No support system emotionally other than talking to myself. No friends. No moping or aloud to be sad here. I get in trouble for feeling feelings too.


    • Elizabeth says:

      I’m so sorry you get in trouble for feelings and I understand exactly what you mean. Some people view people as objects which is horrible and makes those people and people. It sucks when you realize you are with one and your thoughts and feelings are less valid than the dog’s. Nothing you say “makes any sense” or is “silly” or ridiculous. And never ever raise your voice or get angry…, I mean who do you think you are??? As that very bad person shouts shut up at you in a fit of rage. These people are narcissistic. They can’t be wrong on a visceral level. Can’t be as in don’t have the capacity. I wish I had the answers for how to communicate with this type of person but after 20 years of being treated like I’m a babbling idiot I actually think I have become one. But you don’t seem like one at all. You just seem like you’ve been smothered and shut down so much not allowed to have your own feelings that you are suffering. I’m so sorry for that and the only thing I can say is I get you girl. Peace ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  15. […] He said she was mistaken about what had actually happened, rendering her emotional reactions invalid. […]


  16. […] can love your kids and still treat them like their thoughts and feelings are stupid and unimportant. I get it. Everything we understand to be true tells us that there’s no way there’s an actual […]


  17. […] wife or girlfriend’s expressed feelings, but instead invest their energy in one of three invalidating ways that pretty much always destroy […]


  18. Laura says:

    So how would you approach a situation where the invalidation was well-intentioned? So like, I bring up a situation that is causing me some stress or anxiety, and he is very kind (when I’m mad “kind” turns to “patronizing” but I’ve never said that out loud yet lol..) and tries to be sensitive but he comes up with responses (sometimes solutions that weren’t requested but sometimes just responses) that are meant to be helpful but make me feel invalidated. Ok, for example, we have two boys and I’m starting to homeschool them. I was homeschooled myself but my mother was an elementary Ed. teacher so she knew what she was doing. My degree was poli sci. I’m smart, but I’ve never been told how to teach a child to read, for example. Things are going very well (he’s 6 and he can read!) but I still get overwhelmed and/or stressed out. When I share this, my husband tries to find ways to “make it easier” on me or get me the “help” I need… okay, I get that his intentions are good, but then why do I feel like it’s not okay for me to not be perfect? Can’t I feel stressed sometimes? I AM doing a good job, and we are both amazed at how intelligent our boys are and how much they are learning, so can’t I just vent without being made to feel like I’m failing at this? And it’s everything, dishes, cooking, losing weight, making friends. If I have any news that isn’t good news, I end up feeling like I’m not good enough and I’m failing at life. It makes me not want to share stuff with him because I don’t want another reminder that I need help. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t ask me “what do you need?” Or “what can I do?” He just offers all these suggestions..? Maybe it’s just a simple guy/girl communication problem that he thinks I’m asking for help when I’m not? It’s not intentional invalidation, I know that. But we’ve been married for 13 years and it’s been an issue the whole time. Communication has never been our strong point…


  19. KayJay says:

    I would add one more to your list: Interrupting. Not letting your spouse finish a story or statement. Finishing their sentences for them like you know what they were going to say next because you THINK you are following along, or you THINK you know where this is going.


  20. Great article. I tick too many of these. F*ck. Explains a lot.

    I can’t believe how blind I’ve been to my partners emotional needs. Now I might not be able to repair this mess I’ve made.


  21. William Wood says:

    So when I am faced with a situation based in the feelings of my wife. Those feelings being conveyed from faulty or an untrue premise. Beginning from a patently false allegation And building on that faulty or untrue first accusation more anger and frustration, how healthy is it to validate a lie to make her feel better and then admit that something that is untrue and being valid?


  22. William Wood says:

    Does validation and compliance mirror one another in your scenario?? Sounds like that to me.


  23. […] But if you’re married to or otherwise in a relationship with that person, maybe you can’t trust them with household finances. Maybe you can’t trust them make sure the kids brush their teeth before bed. Most often, mistrust in a relationship develops because one or both partners has a serial invalidation habit. […]


  24. linda says:

    stumbled on this piece. what a great article.


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