A New Page on Shitty Husbands

For all I know, this poor guy isn't even married. *shrug* Oh well.

For all I know, this poor guy isn’t even married. *shrug* Oh well.

Because my An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands posts continue to be the most-popular things on this blog, I decided to give them their own page.

You can check out the new page by clicking the link in the upper navigation, or by clicking here.

Maybe you’re interested in those posts. Maybe you’re not. But there are a thousand new words on the page, and it was nice to just write something again.

Please have a look if you care. As always, I’ll more than understand if you don’t.

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18 thoughts on “A New Page on Shitty Husbands

  1. Heading there now…. Glad you corralled them all in one place. Hmmm, not sure that came out right.


  2. Janelle says:

    I hope you’re feeling better, Matt. Reading your shitty husband missives makes me realize I should not take my husband’s good husband tendencies for granted.


    • Matt says:

      Oooh. Reverse-effect goodness!

      What a wonderful takeaway. Thank you so much.

      I’m so glad you feel that way about him. If we find enough Yous out there (and enough good men to make it a reality), we might just be able to convince people marriage isn’t such a sucky thing after all.

      Really appreciate this note. Thank you.


  3. mel says:

    Maybe you should add an “Open letter to the Wives of Shitty Husbands”?! Although, maybe a woman should write that one.


    • Matt says:

      I nominate you, Mel.

      You feeling well?


      • mel says:

        Life is sweet, Matt. The future is bright!! Of course, being preggers at 38 is a lot harder than it was at 32! But we’re getting excited! (I may or may not be riding on an Oxytocin high.)

        Maybe I will write something… Not that I have a shitty husband. He’s pretty darn awesome, these days! :)

        I hope you are feeling better! It’s the worst to be sick and all drugged up. It’s awesome to get to stay home from work, but not when you can’t really focus on anything.


        • Matt says:

          Thank you, Mel. I’m really much, much better now.

          I’m very close to 100 percent.

          I’m so glad to hear you’re well. I’m sure pregnancy is never easy. I’m so happy you feel the love and support you crave.

          I pray this child brings your family enormous joy.


  4. mjmsprt40 says:

    I am not at all sure that I can cheer you on this one. Having been more than adequately run into the ground in my past marriage, self-flagellation isn’t likely to be one of my “strong suits” any time soon. If you’ve committed errors in your last marriage, learn the lessons and then get on with life. Beating up on already well beaten men– I at least have had enough and to spare of being beaten– doesn’t fix the problems especially since divorce is rarely the exclusive fauult of one side.


    • Matt says:

      Please forgive me if you feel as if I’m taking unnecessary shots at husbands and ex-husbands. I promise I’m not.

      There are two kinds of shitty husbands: The ones who don’t care that they’re shitty. And the ones that do.

      I care. I always have. I just didn’t have the knowledge, context or tools necessary to succeed with my wife, and I didn’t know I was missing those things until it was too late.

      I don’t write stories to beat up on myself or to beat up on people who fall short. We ALL fall short and I pride myself on being a predominantly judgment-free zone.

      I write stories because I think a small percentage of the time, the words might just reach a younger version of me who has time to get it right before everything breaks.

      For those guys who are failing but are willing to work hard to grow and change and be better human beings, I pray that just maybe, a certain sentence or paragraph can resonate enough to make a small difference.

      I don’t write this stuff to tear down. I write this stuff to lift up.

      Because I think the vast majority of couples who say “I do” go into marriage with the best intentions. And I think two well-intentioned people willing to sacrifice on one another’s behalf can make it.

      And I think every couple who makes it, and teaches their children what that looks and feels like, and inspires their friends and family and neighbors around them, helps to change the world for the better a little bit every day.

      Maybe that seems a little backward to you. Perhaps you feel it’s poorly executed. I’m truly sorry if you feel that way.

      But all I want is for couples getting married, or couples who are married to recognize the big-picture truth about human relationships.

      There are no perfect partners. The grass is NOT greener over there. And every new person you find will bring with them a new set of problems to contend with. Changing partners (in most instances) is not going to solve anything.

      People need to change themselves. A little knowledge. A lot of love. And a willingness to admit they don’t have all the answers will go a very long way to making that possible.

      A marriage is hard. But it only requires two people willing to give more than they take from it.

      Then couples get the benefits of both giving and receiving.

      I know it can work. People just have to want it to.

      I want it to.


      • mjmsprt40 says:

        Hmmm… I might should enlarge on the subject on my blog. It’ll have to wait a day or two though, my “job” being what it is. On the subject of greener grass: These days, I may be alone, but considering the storm I came through being alone isn’t all that bad. Tonight, I roll. A trip from Chicago to Rochester, MN. See America at night, the cry of the expedited driver.

        Oh– I’ve had a lot of visits it appears, and I think my reply and your reply to me here account for most of those visits. Thanks. At least somebody looked at it.


  5. So my partner (man) thinks he should not be expected to do housework- cleaning, because he pays majority of bills. He makes about 3 × of what I do. I have 2 kids , one with a disability and I am on disability from severe back issues. However since he is 50 I think he thinks like men from 60’s.
    Not sure how long I can deal w this.


    • Matt says:

      Nor should you have to.

      He watched his father and grandfather treat women this way his entire life. He was probably waited on hand and foot by his stay-at-home mom.

      To a certain extent, he may know nothing but that husband-wife dynamic. It’s a perfect example of why parenting and setting a good example for children is so important.

      I’m not defending him. I just think that’s probably the reason. I won’t excuse the behavior or mindset anymore than I would that of a racist bigot who is only a racist bigot because his or her parents were.

      At some point, people have to use their brains and accept responsibility for what they do and say.

      Here’s the bottom line, and it’s not an easy one to stomach:

      He either loves and respects you enough to make changes in his life simply because it will make your life and relationship better.

      Or he doesn’t.

      There’s only one way to find out. It’s so disappointing that it has to be this way. But a lot of time, it does.

      I wish you my very best as you try to work through this.


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