I cheated on her.
And I cheated on her.
This is the third time.
I feel dirty. I do. Ugly on the inside.
Her name popped up on my phone this morning. A text message.
“Haven’t seen ya… hope all is well!” she wrote.
It just washed over me.
We had a quick back-and-forth. And agreed to meet up next Tuesday.
I’ll give her a sheepish grin. She’ll forgive me. She always does.
Then she’ll run her fingers through my hair and ask me about my life before we get down to business.
And afterward, I’ll pay her for her time.
Ugh. I’m a bad person.
Being loyal is important. Vincent was right.
We’re faced with these decisions, big and small. All the time.
We often exhibit loyalty to other kinds of businesses. Doctors. Landscapers. Contractors.
And to the people in our lives.
Sometimes, we fail other people because of our own irresponsibility.
I do this all the time. All. The. Time.
But sometimes we display disloyalty of sorts for purely selfish reasons.
We don’t return someone’s phone call or email because we’re so self-absorbed.
We switch brands in our various shopping adventures for any number of reasons.
I cheated on this girl because I’m irresponsible.
She didn’t deserve that.
The Last Time I Saw Her
“Do you want to schedule an appointment for next time?” she said.
She knows I can’t wait too long. I’m needy. I am.
But she gets busy. She’s in demand.
And yeah, she likes me, but I can never be No. 1 in her life. She has other clients, too.
She’s not going to bump well-paying clients just because I want to see her.
So I went to see someone else.
It just wasn’t the same.
So Tuesday I’ll go back. Back to where I’m supposed to be.
And she’ll take care of me.
Those familiar hands.
And I’ll feel balanced again.
We’ll talk for a bit afterward.
I’ll pay her for her time. She’s thoughtful and attentive.
Only this time, I’ll schedule our next rendezvous before leaving.
To be loyal.
To be responsible.
Because she deserves it.
My hair just looks shitty when I let other people cut it.