An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 4

You have a couple choices. I hope you'll make the correct one.

You have a couple choices. I hope you’ll make the correct one.

She’s going to leave you.

And even if she doesn’t, she’s going to want to. She’s going to fantasize about your best friend. Or her friend’s husband. Or her co-worker who pays attention to her. Or the guy who smiled at her at Starbucks. Or the UPS man. Or me.

A 5’9” guy with a kid who got dumped this year and cries a little more than he should. She fantasizes about THAT guy.

That’s how shitty you are.

She won’t even be able to help herself.

Despite what a total self-absorbed prick you are, she still loves you and wants YOU to be the one who makes her feel good.

But you don’t.

You make her feel like shit. When she tries to talk to you, you tell her the things she thinks and feels are stupid.

When she asks you nicely to do something simple for her, you refuse.

When she asks you nicely to not do something anymore, you do it anyway.

You make her feel bad when you put your immediate wants ahead of the needs of your relationship or family.

When you don’t tell her she looks good. When you don’t tell her she makes you feel good. When you don’t show her that you want her.

That situation is unsustainable. And she’s going to leave you.

Or she’s going to sleep with someone else. And then leave you.

Don’t shake your head no. You’re in denial.

I’m right.

She will. Or she’ll really, really want to which I submit is equally bad.

Then you’re going to get divorced. Because a human being can only take so much, and sooner or later, the misery of divorce is going to seem like a lesser pain than the misery of living with you.

That one’s going to sting.

And then you’re going to be alone and your life is going to be shitty. And one day you’re going to have a really rough morning with your kids. And then the day care lady is going to come over and pick up your son and he isn’t going to want to leave you because he knows he’s not going to see you for three days and he’s going to cry as the day care lady peels him off of your leg so that he’s not late for school and you’re not late for work. And he’s going to scream “Daddy! Daddy!” as he gets carried away sobbing and you can’t help him because you can’t even help yourself.

And then you’re going to cry in your kitchen and call your ex-wife names between the sobs.

But really?

It’s going to be your fucking fault. Because you brought this on yourself.

Don’t ever forget it.

When Two Become One

When you’re a kid, your parents are the most-important figures in your life. You can barely imagine life without them.

But you grow. Mature. Gain independence.

Then you meet someone. Someone you decide is going to replace your parents as the central figure in your life. They become the most-important thing.

But now, you don’t always treat her that way. It’s because you’re a shitty husband. Don’t worry. It’s not just you. Most of us are.

You see, I know you’re not a bad person. I’m not either.

You don’t have to be a bad person to be a shitty husband. The shitty-husband badge isn’t only reserved for assholes.

By assholes, I mean guys who cheat, guys who are physically or mentally abusive, guys who drink excessively or do drugs, guys who go out every night leaving their wives to fend for themselves or to care for children alone.

You might even be nice like me. Kind. Empathetic. Caring.

But there’s a demon inside you that you can’t quite fight off. The sex isn’t quite as stimulating as it used to be. You probably think it’s her fault.

Because she used to really get your blood pumping. Back when she wanted you. Needed you. You didn’t have to ask. You could see the need. Feel the need. And you loved it. Because we all have a little Alpha in us.

And now she doesn’t make you feel wanted. She doesn’t make you feel needed.

It’s not because she doesn’t want to. She wants to. It’s an involuntary sort-of apathy she feels now. Because you robbed her of the passion she once had for you. And she resents you for it.

This isn’t the life she’d hoped for. The one you’d promised her curled up in the sheets and one another on a Saturday morning when you were young and nothing else mattered.

She can’t want you now. Because the fire’s gone. Extinguished.

And the pain and frustration of that realization is almost unbearable for her. That you don’t love her anymore. That you don’t want her anymore. That she matters so little to you now that your job, or your friends, or your video games, or your drinking, or your golfing, or your TV watching, or whatever, has taken priority over her. You’re the person she chose over her parents. The person she trusted with the rest of her life.

Because you’d rather play Call of Duty or watch reruns on the couch, than tell your wife she looks sexy, than clean up the kitchen for her, than spend a couple hours making her climax over and over again.

Right now, maybe you’re nodding your head.

“Yeah, Matt. I would rather do something for myself.”

  1. You’ll regret thinking that.
  2. You deserve what’s coming.

What Divorce is Like

According to the Holmes and Rahe stress scale, divorce and marital separation are the second- and third-most-stressful things that can happen to us in our entire lives, behind only the death of a spouse. But if she had died rather than leave you, you’d at least sleep at night dreaming of the good times together, rather than thinking about the new guy sticking his penis inside your wife and imagining how much happier she is now.

Do you like stress?

Divorce is bad.

Worse than I thought. And I’m relatively smart.

Especially if you’re a dad.

When you’re a divorced dad, no childless woman wants you. It’s hard enough being a parent when you love the child more than all other things on Earth. Imagine having to be a parent when you don’t love the child that much. And you’re asking her to do that after someone who lived with you for a long time, intentionally had children with you, then decided life without you was more attractive than life with you.

So, hope you wanted more kids. Because if you want to date someone, that’s what you’re looking at.

Good luck with that.

When you’re divorced, you have less money than you used to, so you can’t even afford to distract yourself from how shitty your life is now with small pockets of fun. You have to stay home where no one comes to visit you because all of your friends liked it better when you were with your wife, and none of your couples friends want to hang out on the weekend with the sad, single guy.

When you’re divorced, your kids are sad, and it’s mostly your fault.

When you’re divorced, the ONLY thing about your life that doesn’t change is all of the things you do now that push her away.

But once she’s left you, you’re not going to want to do those things anymore. Because the things you thought were bringing you happiness ended up bringing you the most misery you’ve ever felt.

When you’re divorced, everything is three times as hard, because you’re only half of yourself, and no one’s there to help.

If you do get divorced, I hope you have your family nearby. That will help. But if you’re honest with them, and if they’re honest with you, everyone’s going to be disappointed in you and miss when you were still a couple. They might even say so. That will make you feel bad and you’ll want to see your family less.

What to Do if You Want to Get a Divorce

You think it might be cool? You think it’s going to be a bunch of sex with hot strangers and parties and football with the boys?

Maybe it will. Maybe you really will like the single life better.

No one to tell you you’re making them feel bad. No one to interrupt you watching Thursday Night Football. No one to tell you you can’t order pizza from your favorite place. No one to nag you about your laundry or bathroom habits.

It will be just like high school or college again! Freedom!

You’re wrong. But you’re a guy. So you’re not going to listen to me anyway.

If you want to get a divorce, just go ahead and keep doing what you’re doing. Watching Bones reruns. Playing video games. Ignoring her.

But here’s the thing: I know you don’t really want to get divorced.

If you did, you’d have already filed.

You want to stay married. I’d like to help.

What to Do if You Want to Stay Married

First, evaluate your wife’s state of being.

If she’s acting scared and needy and clingy or nagging and begging for attention, that’s a GOOD thing. That means she hasn’t reached the apathetic stage yet where she’s highly likely to sleep with other men, leave you, or both.

If she’s acting like a different person. Quiet. Reserved. Doesn’t “bother” you as much about the stuff that troubles her, I’ve got bad news, man. It’s not because it’s no longer bothering her or that she’s turned a corner and understands you more now.

It’s because she doesn’t give a shit about you, she’s learning to do everything by herself as she prepares for her life as a single, divorced woman, and she might be having sex with someone else. If she’s not, she’s strongly entertaining the idea.

She’d rather pleasure herself while thinking about your friend or her co-worker or some blogger she’s never met than have you touch her.

Chew on that for a minute.

She needs to feel something. And every night you choose TV, beer, video games, whatever, over her. She’s given you a million and a half chances. And you just keep doing the wrong thing.

It’s not okay for her to go have sex with someone else. It’s not. I’m not defending her.

But it does make sense, right? When you process it in that non-emotional, logical brain of yours?

The thing we all crave the most is happiness. You make her sad. If you didn’t have children, money, real estate and family ties, she’d already be gone.

I can’t promise that if you do any of these things, she’ll forgive you. But I do promise you’ll give yourself a fighting chance to keep your marriage and family intact.

  1. Do not say anything negative toward her for an entire day. Once you pull that off, go an entire week. If you can do it for an entire week, you can do it forever. Say kind things. Not mean things. Every day. When you mess up, apologize. Twice.
  2. Hug her daily. Mean it. While you’re hugging her, ask this question: “What can I do for you to make your day better?” You’re going to want her to say have sex with her. But she’s not going to. She’s going to want you to clean the kitchen, bathe the kids and walk the dog. She’s going to want you to do those things so that she has time to do two loads of laundry AND maybe take a bath or whatever she likes to do when she has a precious few minutes to herself. Ask that question every day with love and sincerity. Do whatever she asks to the best of your ability, without complaining about it. Do that enough times, and she’s going to want you to have sex with her. And it’s going to feel like it used to. Yay you. You’re making progress.
  3. Flirt with her. Not pervy-douchebag flirt, either, unless she takes it to the dirty place herself. Send her a nice text once or twice a day: “Thinking about you. Please let me know what I can do to make your day better,” and later “I can’t wait to see you later. I hope you know how loved and wanted you are.”
  4. Kiss her. The really nice kind. The first-date kind. Don’t try to have sex with her. Do this three or four times per week. If she makes you have sex with her one of those times, it’s okay.
  5. Take one of her “jobs” away from her. The one she likes the least. You know how she always does laundry and you always mow the lawn? How she always does the dishes and you always take out the trash? Take one of those off her plate. Ask her which one. And take it. And work your ass off to do a good job. You’ll learn to respect how challenging her life is, how amazing she is at multi-tasking and time-management, and you’ll get another taste of how much shittier your life would be as a single guy doing all of this alone. Why should you take one of her jobs away? Because she does more than you do. And if you want a successful marriage, you have to give more than you take. You give her support. She gets more time to relax and feel good about her life. You get a happy wife who wants to have sex with you. The good kind of sex. Everyone wins.
  6. If you’re not exercising, start. You don’t have to be Adonis. You just have to not be a fat slob. You might be surprised how far 50 pushups, 50 sit-ups and 60 seconds in the plank position can take you right when you wake up, and right before bed. We’re talking 10-15 minutes a day, tops.
  7. Learn about your wife. Two parts. First, read a book about why women do what they do. There are several. You’ve probably heard of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I personally prefer How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It. It’s a book that will gain fast credibility with you because the authors clearly understand why you do and feel many of the things you do. You’ll appreciate that they “get” you. And then you’ll believe them when they tell you why your wife does and feels the things she does. And if you have an empathetic bone in your body, you’ll instantly feel terrible for all of the pain you’ve caused the person you love over the years, and you’ll learn how to communicate in healthy ways. You’ll learn why you have the same fights over and over and over again about the exact same things. It’s NOT just you! It’s every couple. Everyone has the same natural instincts and tendencies and defense mechanisms that cause conflict in our human relationships. And once you learn what those are, you can navigate those waters. The “mystery” of women that you hear other guys talk about. It’s not a mystery. She REALLY IS different than you. Don’t treat her like a man. Second, learn about your wife like you did when you first started dating. Because she’s not the same person she used to be. She’s matured. Maybe she’s a mother now. Maybe she doesn’t like the missionary position as much as used to. She has different hopes and dreams than she used to. And if you help her achieve them? You can have a truly happy life and marriage. And that’s what I want for you. And for her. And for your children. And for your friends. And for your extended family.

Or you can just get divorced like me.

You can spend Christmas Day alone. You can never have sex. You can never have anyone there to listen to how hard your day was. You can do all of your laundry alone. The house is REALLY quiet when you’re folding laundry alone. You can pay all the bills yourself. Hope you’re good at managing time and money. You can watch movies and television shows alone. You can never see all of your old couples friends. You can clean the kitchen and bathrooms alone. Or you can let them get disgusting as a daily reminder of just how far you’ve fallen.

Please fight for your life and family.

Like a warrior.

She’s worth it.

And so are you.

You May Also Want to Read:

An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 1

An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 2

An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 3

An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 5

An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 6

An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 7

An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 8

An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 9

An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 10

An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 11

An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 12

An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 13

…..

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234 thoughts on “An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 4

  1. The Guat says:

    I discovered your blog late … But it is still so on point. I am this wife, I am the one at the bottom of the priority list constantly asking him to hang out and watch sports with me, come to the beach with me & the kids, ask him to help me with chores, ask him to hang at home and have a Netflix night only to be put on the back burner because other stuff comes up. I am this wife you talk about the one that wants her friend back, but I don’t fantasize about being with other guys or think of other guys in that way. I just think about him. I so wish he could read your blog, this post in particular, I haven’t read all your posts yet, but I wish he would be open enough to read it or get advice from someone else that’s along these lines, because I feel like a broken record that’s been left in an empty room. Good post and glad it’s out there, maybe it will help out some people.

    Like

    • Vic says:

      I am the husband that has done many of these things to put my wife at the bottom of the totem pole. Father’s Day is coming up and it’ll be a year since she left. We have 3 kids that I’ll only see have the time for the majority of their lives. My older child is crushed most of the time. He’s 12 and has been an excellent student his whole life until we separated. My younger 2 kids are 7 and 4 and look at the every other week custody as little vacations. Our kids adore the both of us. I am a good man but have been a shitty husband and when I had my “aha” moment the momentum had swung too much the wrong way for me to make a difference. Grab your husband and look him in the eye and tell him how you feel. If it doesn’t work, let him read this. It happens to a lot of us and it is sad. I wish I had a time travel machine but I know the old me would be too arrogant to listen to anything I’d have to say because I was always right.

      I love my wife and miss her dearly. Every. Single. Day. I miss my kids on the weeks that they aren’t there. The energy in the house.

      Good Luck and God Bless

      Liked by 1 person

      • The Guat says:

        Thanks for the advice. I have grabbed onto him plenty of times and told him with my heart in my hand and with honesty how I felt but returned broken and gutted because again he hadn’t heard me, or maybe he did and didn’t care. It’s a sad process to lose someone even when you try everything you got and they seem to continue making bad decisions that continue to hurt. I will try to send him something in a Hail Mary attempt but it might only anger him that I’m sending him stuff like this via email. But I guess I can say at least I tried, down to wire. Hope that these posts and messages can help someone out there. That would be a good thing, to at least be able to save someone.

        Like

  2. Eric says:

    Hello,
    My wife and I have been married together over fiveyears. We don’t have kids and she isn’t a U.S. citizen. Whenever we have an argument she’ll sometimes be like the hell with the marriage. We just had an argument today. We were supposed to go out to eat and see a movie. She wanted us to take a selfie on her phone. I was okay with it until she really wanted me to hold the phone at a certain angle and make sure her hair was fine. That’s when I started to lose my patience and she said the photos were crap. She accused me of lacking taste cause of my losing patience, leading to our argument. Now she took off somewhere in our car, not telling me where she’s going or when she’ll be back. She won’t answer my calls and I’m asking myself if I did anything wrong to trigger this.

    Like

    • Catherine Rodriguez says:

      What did you do when you “lost your patience”? I don’t see why she would say you have no taste. Perhaps her anger is misplaced and something else is really driving her nuts about your behavior that triggers a nerve in her? She needs to think about that. seems like she feels judged by others and to get so upset because of her hair really says a lot. You sound like a very patient person, good luck and I hope all goes well.

      Like

  3. almostthere says:

    I would love if my husband would read this even though i know he won’t. I have been married 23 years and have waited at least 2/3rds of our marriage waiting for him to find me worthy of his love and his time. He is never here for me. He is always out with his friends after work. He doesnt come home at least once a week. He pays very little attention to our 3 year old son but he never paid much attention to our other two children who are now 19 and 21. He doesn’t help pay one bill. Everything in our life falls upon me. The kids, the house, the bills. I really do believe I am ready to end this so- called marriage. I have asked him to leave but he won’t. He says he wants his family. Yet here is another weekend i spend alone with our son. He says its because he doesn’t want to be around me because i nag him for being gone all the time. He does not seem to get that if he was home with us from time to time i wouldnt be nagging. I wish he would just stop being selfish and let go of us. Im tired not being important. Im a person with feelings who deserves as much as he does. Why do men do this? I know of so many women who have this same issue.

    Like

    • Bobbypin says:

      Serve him with the divorce when he’s out and change the locks. Sounds like he’s having an affair, btw. You already know it’s over and you already handle everything anyway so handle the divorce so he won’t drag you down and farther.

      Like

    • Bronze says:

      Life is far better without a leach attached to you. Trying to get somebody to love you because they ‘should’ is a dead end, no win game. There are other people in this world who see your worth. Go where the love is. Relationships and marriage are not the be all and end all of our existence on earth. Women can and do live happily alone without selfish men. When women stop putting up with it – men might stop doing and I agree, with the other commentator – he sounds like he is having an affair. He wants his family because he is using you to fund his lifestyle and have a place to crash where everything is taken care of. Good luck.

      Like

    • Me says:

      Not just you. Same story. But mine cheated on me while he was “working late” with a stripper half his age no less.

      Like

  4. Kim says:

    I’m tempted to leave my computer on with this post on the screen. Maybe my husband will read it. I just feel abandoned. He provides, he doesn’t cheat…good guy, like you said. But I don’t feel that he is “here” emotionally even when he is here physically. Comes home every night and pops that recliner back and watches t.v. Usually brings a pizza home for himself..seriously nearly every night. I try to talk with him which typically results in him throwing his hands in the air and yelling, “what did I do now?” and walking out of the room. I was a stay-at-home mom for 10 years and would ask for help on the weekends with 4 kids/housework and he literally replied, “If you did more during the week, you wouldn’t need my help on the weekends.” Now I work part-time, and still no help. My last request was met with this reply, “I do “stuff” all day, I don’t see why I need to come home and do more stuff!” I think about divorce obsessively. I was so happy to see this post, I was starting to think I was crazy for thinking about things the way I do. I’m not perfect, I’m sure I do “shitty wife” things too. I just want my husband to want to spend time with me and/or the kids. There is no way I could afford to support myself and the kids if I left. I feel “trapped.”

    Like

    • Lee says:

      I am so glad I saw this. That insane feeling where you think things are supposed to be better than what you currently have, I had it too. I went so far as to get on medication feeling like it was just some type of depression I couldn’t beat. I realized when I was away from him I was happier because he wasn’t there with the constant demeaning comments about me. The biggest thing I noticed was that he never spent time with me and was always gone doing projects. I think men get lazy especially after their wife has a child figuring that they don’t have to pull their weight anymore because their wife won’t leave them due to her being a mother. All I know is after years of this baloney, I have had enough. No more. I should have left years ago.

      Like

  5. Wow, I’m reading all of these & just ordered the book you recommended as a gift to my husband. I also shared the link here. I just hope he gets as insightful as you are, real fast. You are preaching to the choir.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. A. says:

    this is so on point. I am used to men saying “she just left…” and think, yep she just left after trying forever and you ignoring her pleas. I assumed this would be overrun by men attacking you. It’s not that wives don’t have faults. It’s just that society doesn’t raise women to treat men like maids nor cater to their sexuality and teach them to be entitled and selfish. It’s pretty astute of you to realize how much women eventually want to cheat due to utter loneliness and despair. I haven’t and don’t condone it, but it’s like you read my mind. Women are sexual beings, too. I’m terrified of divorce but there is hope that once I adjust I can be happy and experience love. With marriage there seems to be no hope. There is so little left of me.

    Like

  7. A. says:

    Why is it men cannot admit the privilege and sexism they carry into a relationship? I want to scream when people say, “it takes two”. Two people have faults. It only takes one to treat marriage like a maid service. You can react differently, but you can’t demand respect from someone who views himself as above you and it’s intolerable after a time. Mine once said all our problems stem from my not backing down, which I thought spoke volumes about his perspective. I basically have no say. I can ask /beg him to prioritize things that matter (family? me? marriage?) but he can’t discuss – only ignore or attack. Basically my having any input is unwelcome and viewed as hostile and deserving of attack by him. He wasn’t always like this but there were signs and far fewer obligations.
    He seems incapable of considering me in any form. How can you ever improve with someone like that? You literally cannot be heard. I have no career anymore. I worked part-time and was the ft parent and now I work zero time and do everything at home. It’s like quicksand.
    You are very observant with your comment about silence = checking out.I sympathize with women who have affairs. I understand that longing for love and not feeling like you should have to suffer more and turn your world upside down before you have it.
    He’ll be another one of those men who says, “she just left” and leave out the “after I ignored her, her needs, wishes, and anything she ever said for 16 years.”

    Like

  8. Dave says:

    I am currently a shitty husband. This a general invite to women reading this to please talk to me and help me understand. My wife hasnt given up yet but i know she is precaripusly close my situation and life are somewhat unique but i am hoping to save our lives.

    Like

    • Ginny says:

      I hope I can help, I have 4 friends that I’ll die for who have either divorced or about to. I stumbled on this post because I was looking for something to help them along their path of their new situation. I don’t want another couple to become like them, it’s tragic when compared to how happy they were when they first got married.

      Like

  9. Nicole says:

    I wish someone would send this to my husband. I have read several of your letters, crying.

    Like

    • Marion says:

      Send him the link. I sent it to mine. I really hopes he reads it. There are so many of us out there just wanting our husband to be our hero. Just him.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Sally says:

      Give me his email address. I’ll send it to him it you return the favour and send it to my husband.

      I’m at the stage of checking out…and he says I am being abusive by not talking to him, but I just can’t bring myself to say anything. When I am so resentful and angry I stay quiet because I don’t trust what might come out of my mouth. Words can hurt, but he feels the pain of silence more acutely.

      What can I say to him? I can’t talk to him about his ambitions, or future projects….because he has none. I can’t talk to him about what he does in his spare time, because all does is watch TV or look at property websites. I can’t talk to him about how delicious the meal he made was, because he doesn’t cook unless I beg him to.
      I can’t talk to him about the interesting/topical links I send him in emails, because he doesn’t read them. What can I have left to say, when I have been consistently ignored in every other way for so long? I have absolutely zero desire to be with anybody else sexually. I feel like I could easily handle being single with a child, as it’s how I have been operating for so long now.

      He used to say that he was always trying to impress me. That hasn’t happened for such a long time. It’s like every day is a new disappointment and a little piece of me breaks each time.

      I’m not perfect.
      I just don’t know how to show him this without it feeling like I’m attacking him. I desperately want him to understand. He sees nothing wrong with his behaviour. He genuinely believes it. He says he has ‘made a mistake’ and that people make mistakes. But 24 months of ignoring me and my needs, and my pleas (both verbal and written) for help, is not a mistake.

      He’s living his life like a bachelor and it’s killing me.

      Like

  10. JO says:

    I would like to meet this author and marry him. I have read some of your posts to my husband, he even shed a few tears and apologized for being a shitty husband. That was a few weeks ago. Today he just let me cry and grieve the relationship while he went to a professional football game.

    Like

  11. Cathy says:

    Yes, there are good and bad days. We are a convenience remember,

    Like

  12. Toya says:

    I cried like a baby reading this. It hit me on SO MANY LEVELS! I MISS THE MAN that I fell for, I wish I could get just half of this from him.

    Like

  13. TA says:

    Relationships take work and time, wish more ppl realized that!! You’re a pretty smart man😀

    Like

  14. Anonymous says:

    Great piece. But if a man is reading this I imagine it’s already too late. How can a woman approach her husband with this information? Especially one that think he knows it all?

    Like

  15. chivonho says:

    I watched my mother toil for 30 years married to a shitty husband, supporting the family, doing chores while holding down full time job while my father drifted in and out of the marriage when he pleased. My father belittles my mother’s opinions, he likes to hear his own voice talking about himself. I watched him put his needs above my mother’s needs, and above the family’s needs all my life, and i fear that my future husband would also be like that. He wasn’t a bad man, but he’s really not suited for marriage.

    Observing my parents marriage has made me think the worst of marriages and men. I mostly ignore my father, as i have lost all respect for him steadily over the years. My mom still loves my father (she also has a strong florence nightingale syndrome), after 30 years of cleaning up his messes (financially & literally) and doing the fair share of parenting work in the house, she still feels ‘sorry’ for him and wants to help him/save him from himself. To a certain extent i think she also enabled his shitty behaviour by not calling him out in his selfishness when they were younger. Now it’s too late – she nags at him about it but he doesn’t bother to make a change. I think it’s because he knows she’ll never divorce him, no matter what shit he does.

    As a child brought up in this environment, i can say that it is very toxic for me to watch and it has turned me off from marriage.

    Like

  16. Just another house wife says:

    This is helpful insight, but depressing. My husband is shitty and doesnt care and won’t listen. I’m constantly thinking of divorce, but dont want my 3 year old daughter to be the kid who has to scream and cry and not understand why she cant see her daddy every day. Its nice to know that some people finally get it though. Thanks for sharing your story. I hope you’re able to find happiness, whatever that looks like for you personally.

    Like

  17. pebblesroad says:

    I am in tears reading your blog. My partnership of many years is slowly being killed by everything you mention here. I feel unwanted, rejected and unloved. The sex feels mechanical, he doesn’t believe in foreplay and I am desperate for someone to just touch me, listen to me and be there in the way I would like.

    When I try to talk I’m met with a brick wall. I only found this post as I was trying to find a way to cope with my partner. We have been through mumtiple miscarriages and it’s a very sensitive subject to us. So we stopped trying for around 12/13 months and this morning I went up to him and started trying to say I was finally feeling ready to try again, he didn’t aknowledge what I was saying because he was busy staring at my boobs and didn’t even register. I literally felt a bit of love for him die in that moment. Sorry if that sounds dramatic but it is true, I have never known somebody makes me feel so rejected.

    I love him so much, I want to care for him as I have for years but I am feeling helpless as time goes on to save a relationship with someone who sees it as they do no wrong.

    Like

  18. Mel says:

    I found this website today. And can I just say, this is brilliant..
    I swear it’s like you have read mine and many other frustrated, hurt, and broken womens minds and hearts.
    I am currently at the tipping point with my marriage.
    Although this is likely too late to make a difference in my situation, I am certain that these words could make the difference to a husband or partner in a relationship that isn’t as far gone as ours.
    Thank you for your brilliant honesty.
    Thank you for showing women that were not over reacting, or making mountains out of mole Hills…..and our thoughts matter.
    Thank you

    Liked by 1 person

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