An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 4

You have a couple choices. I hope you'll make the correct one.

You have a couple choices. I hope you’ll make the correct one.

She’s going to leave you.

And even if she doesn’t, she’s going to want to. She’s going to fantasize about your best friend. Or her friend’s husband. Or her co-worker who pays attention to her. Or the guy who smiled at her at Starbucks. Or the UPS man. Or me.

A 5’9” guy with a kid who got dumped this year and cries a little more than he should. She fantasizes about THAT guy.

That’s how shitty you are.

She won’t even be able to help herself.

Despite what a total self-absorbed prick you are, she still loves you and wants YOU to be the one who makes her feel good.

But you don’t.

You make her feel like shit. When she tries to talk to you, you tell her the things she thinks and feels are stupid.

When she asks you nicely to do something simple for her, you refuse.

When she asks you nicely to not do something anymore, you do it anyway.

You make her feel bad when you put your immediate wants ahead of the needs of your relationship or family.

When you don’t tell her she looks good. When you don’t tell her she makes you feel good. When you don’t show her that you want her.

That situation is unsustainable. And she’s going to leave you.

Or she’s going to sleep with someone else. And then leave you.

Don’t shake your head no. You’re in denial.

I’m right.

She will. Or she’ll really, really want to which I submit is equally bad.

Then you’re going to get divorced. Because a human being can only take so much, and sooner or later, the misery of divorce is going to seem like a lesser pain than the misery of living with you.

That one’s going to sting.

And then you’re going to be alone and your life is going to be shitty. And one day you’re going to have a really rough morning with your kids. And then the day care lady is going to come over and pick up your son and he isn’t going to want to leave you because he knows he’s not going to see you for three days and he’s going to cry as the day care lady peels him off of your leg so that he’s not late for school and you’re not late for work. And he’s going to scream “Daddy! Daddy!” as he gets carried away sobbing and you can’t help him because you can’t even help yourself.

And then you’re going to cry in your kitchen and call your ex-wife names between the sobs.

But really?

It’s going to be your fucking fault. Because you brought this on yourself.

Don’t ever forget it.


Shameless Self-Promotion Note About My Coaching Services

I started coaching in 2019. Clients and I work collaboratively through current and past relationship stuff in order to improve existing relationships or to prepare for future ones. Other clients are trying to find themselves after divorce or a painful breakup. We talk by phone or video conference. People like it. Or at least they fake it really well by continuing to schedule future coaching calls and give me more money. If you’re going through something and think I might be able to help, it’s really easy to find out for sure. Learn More Here.


When Two Become One

When you’re a kid, your parents are the most-important figures in your life. You can barely imagine life without them.

But you grow. Mature. Gain independence.

Then you meet someone. Someone you decide is going to replace your parents as the central figure in your life. They become the most-important thing.

But now, you don’t always treat her that way. It’s because you’re a shitty husband. Don’t worry. It’s not just you. Most of us are.

You see, I know you’re not a bad person. I’m not either.

You don’t have to be a bad person to be a shitty husband. The shitty-husband badge isn’t only reserved for assholes.

By assholes, I mean guys who cheat, guys who are physically or mentally abusive, guys who drink excessively or do drugs, guys who go out every night leaving their wives to fend for themselves or to care for children alone.

You might even be nice like me. Kind. Empathetic. Caring.

But there’s a demon inside you that you can’t quite fight off. The sex isn’t quite as stimulating as it used to be. You probably think it’s her fault.

Because she used to really get your blood pumping. Back when she wanted you. Needed you. You didn’t have to ask. You could see the need. Feel the need. And you loved it. Because we all have a little Alpha in us.

And now she doesn’t make you feel wanted. She doesn’t make you feel needed.

It’s not because she doesn’t want to. She wants to. It’s an involuntary sort-of apathy she feels now. Because you robbed her of the passion she once had for you. And she resents you for it.

This isn’t the life she’d hoped for. The one you’d promised her curled up in the sheets and one another on a Saturday morning when you were young and nothing else mattered.

She can’t want you now. Because the fire’s gone. Extinguished.

And the pain and frustration of that realization is almost unbearable for her. That you don’t love her anymore. That you don’t want her anymore. That she matters so little to you now that your job, or your friends, or your video games, or your drinking, or your golfing, or your TV watching, or whatever, has taken priority over her. You’re the person she chose over her parents. The person she trusted with the rest of her life.

Because you’d rather play Call of Duty or watch reruns on the couch, than tell your wife she looks sexy, than clean up the kitchen for her, than spend a couple hours making her climax over and over again.

Right now, maybe you’re nodding your head.

“Yeah, Matt. I would rather do something for myself.”

  1. You’ll regret thinking that.
  2. You deserve what’s coming.

What Divorce is Like

According to the Holmes and Rahe stress scale, divorce and marital separation are the second- and third-most-stressful things that can happen to us in our entire lives, behind only the death of a spouse. But if she had died rather than leave you, you’d at least sleep at night dreaming of the good times together, rather than thinking about the new guy sticking his penis inside your wife and imagining how much happier she is now.

Do you like stress?

Divorce is bad.

Worse than I thought. And I’m relatively smart.

Especially if you’re a dad.

When you’re a divorced dad, no childless woman wants you. It’s hard enough being a parent when you love the child more than all other things on Earth. Imagine having to be a parent when you don’t love the child that much. And you’re asking her to do that after someone who lived with you for a long time, intentionally had children with you, then decided life without you was more attractive than life with you.

So, hope you wanted more kids. Because if you want to date someone, that’s what you’re looking at.

Good luck with that.

When you’re divorced, you have less money than you used to, so you can’t even afford to distract yourself from how shitty your life is now with small pockets of fun. You have to stay home where no one comes to visit you because all of your friends liked it better when you were with your wife, and none of your couples friends want to hang out on the weekend with the sad, single guy.

When you’re divorced, your kids are sad, and it’s mostly your fault.

When you’re divorced, the ONLY thing about your life that doesn’t change is all of the things you do now that push her away.

But once she’s left you, you’re not going to want to do those things anymore. Because the things you thought were bringing you happiness ended up bringing you the most misery you’ve ever felt.

When you’re divorced, everything is three times as hard, because you’re only half of yourself, and no one’s there to help.

If you do get divorced, I hope you have your family nearby. That will help. But if you’re honest with them, and if they’re honest with you, everyone’s going to be disappointed in you and miss when you were still a couple. They might even say so. That will make you feel bad and you’ll want to see your family less.

What to Do if You Want to Get a Divorce

You think it might be cool? You think it’s going to be a bunch of sex with hot strangers and parties and football with the boys?

Maybe it will. Maybe you really will like the single life better.

No one to tell you you’re making them feel bad. No one to interrupt you watching Thursday Night Football. No one to tell you you can’t order pizza from your favorite place. No one to nag you about your laundry or bathroom habits.

It will be just like high school or college again! Freedom!

You’re wrong. But you’re a guy. So you’re not going to listen to me anyway.

If you want to get a divorce, just go ahead and keep doing what you’re doing. Watching Bones reruns. Playing video games. Ignoring her.

But here’s the thing: I know you don’t really want to get divorced.

If you did, you’d have already filed.

You want to stay married. I’d like to help.

What to Do if You Want to Stay Married

First, evaluate your wife’s state of being.

If she’s acting scared and needy and clingy or nagging and begging for attention, that’s a GOOD thing. That means she hasn’t reached the apathetic stage yet where she’s highly likely to sleep with other men, leave you, or both.

If she’s acting like a different person. Quiet. Reserved. Doesn’t “bother” you as much about the stuff that troubles her, I’ve got bad news, man. It’s not because it’s no longer bothering her or that she’s turned a corner and understands you more now.

It’s because she doesn’t give a shit about you, she’s learning to do everything by herself as she prepares for her life as a single, divorced woman, and she might be having sex with someone else. If she’s not, she’s strongly entertaining the idea.

She’d rather pleasure herself while thinking about your friend or her co-worker or some blogger she’s never met than have you touch her.

Chew on that for a minute.

She needs to feel something. And every night you choose TV, beer, video games, whatever, over her. She’s given you a million and a half chances. And you just keep doing the wrong thing.

It’s not okay for her to go have sex with someone else. It’s not. I’m not defending her.

But it does make sense, right? When you process it in that non-emotional, logical brain of yours?

The thing we all crave the most is happiness. You make her sad. If you didn’t have children, money, real estate and family ties, she’d already be gone.

I can’t promise that if you do any of these things, she’ll forgive you. But I do promise you’ll give yourself a fighting chance to keep your marriage and family intact.

  1. Do not say anything negative toward her for an entire day. Once you pull that off, go an entire week. If you can do it for an entire week, you can do it forever. Say kind things. Not mean things. Every day. When you mess up, apologize. Twice.
  2. Hug her daily. Mean it. While you’re hugging her, ask this question: “What can I do for you to make your day better?” You’re going to want her to say have sex with her. But she’s not going to. She’s going to want you to clean the kitchen, bathe the kids and walk the dog. She’s going to want you to do those things so that she has time to do two loads of laundry AND maybe take a bath or whatever she likes to do when she has a precious few minutes to herself. Ask that question every day with love and sincerity. Do whatever she asks to the best of your ability, without complaining about it. Do that enough times, and she’s going to want you to have sex with her. And it’s going to feel like it used to. Yay you. You’re making progress.
  3. Flirt with her. Not pervy-douchebag flirt, either, unless she takes it to the dirty place herself. Send her a nice text once or twice a day: “Thinking about you. Please let me know what I can do to make your day better,” and later “I can’t wait to see you later. I hope you know how loved and wanted you are.”
  4. Kiss her. The really nice kind. The first-date kind. Don’t try to have sex with her. Do this three or four times per week. If she makes you have sex with her one of those times, it’s okay.
  5. Take one of her “jobs” away from her. The one she likes the least. You know how she always does laundry and you always mow the lawn? How she always does the dishes and you always take out the trash? Take one of those off her plate. Ask her which one. And take it. And work your ass off to do a good job. You’ll learn to respect how challenging her life is, how amazing she is at multi-tasking and time-management, and you’ll get another taste of how much shittier your life would be as a single guy doing all of this alone. Why should you take one of her jobs away? Because she does more than you do. And if you want a successful marriage, you have to give more than you take. You give her support. She gets more time to relax and feel good about her life. You get a happy wife who wants to have sex with you. The good kind of sex. Everyone wins.
  6. If you’re not exercising, start. You don’t have to be Adonis. You just have to not be a fat slob. You might be surprised how far 50 pushups, 50 sit-ups and 60 seconds in the plank position can take you right when you wake up, and right before bed. We’re talking 10-15 minutes a day, tops.
  7. Learn about your wife. Two parts. First, read a book about why women do what they do. There are several. You’ve probably heard of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I personally prefer How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It. It’s a book that will gain fast credibility with you because the authors clearly understand why you do and feel many of the things you do. You’ll appreciate that they “get” you. And then you’ll believe them when they tell you why your wife does and feels the things she does. And if you have an empathetic bone in your body, you’ll instantly feel terrible for all of the pain you’ve caused the person you love over the years, and you’ll learn how to communicate in healthy ways. You’ll learn why you have the same fights over and over and over again about the exact same things. It’s NOT just you! It’s every couple. Everyone has the same natural instincts and tendencies and defense mechanisms that cause conflict in our human relationships. And once you learn what those are, you can navigate those waters. The “mystery” of women that you hear other guys talk about. It’s not a mystery. She REALLY IS different than you. Don’t treat her like a man. Second, learn about your wife like you did when you first started dating. Because she’s not the same person she used to be. She’s matured. Maybe she’s a mother now. Maybe she doesn’t like the missionary position as much as used to. She has different hopes and dreams than she used to. And if you help her achieve them? You can have a truly happy life and marriage. And that’s what I want for you. And for her. And for your children. And for your friends. And for your extended family.

Or you can just get divorced like me.

You can spend Christmas Day alone. You can never have sex. You can never have anyone there to listen to how hard your day was. You can do all of your laundry alone. The house is REALLY quiet when you’re folding laundry alone. You can pay all the bills yourself. Hope you’re good at managing time and money. You can watch movies and television shows alone. You can never see all of your old couples friends. You can clean the kitchen and bathrooms alone. Or you can let them get disgusting as a daily reminder of just how far you’ve fallen.

Please fight for your life and family.

Like a warrior.

She’s worth it.

And so are you.

You May Also Want to Read:

An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 1

An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 2

An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 3

An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 5

An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 6

An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 7

An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 8

An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 9

An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 10

An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 11

An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 12

An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 13


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279 thoughts on “An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 4

  1. The Guat says:

    I discovered your blog late … But it is still so on point. I am this wife, I am the one at the bottom of the priority list constantly asking him to hang out and watch sports with me, come to the beach with me & the kids, ask him to help me with chores, ask him to hang at home and have a Netflix night only to be put on the back burner because other stuff comes up. I am this wife you talk about the one that wants her friend back, but I don’t fantasize about being with other guys or think of other guys in that way. I just think about him. I so wish he could read your blog, this post in particular, I haven’t read all your posts yet, but I wish he would be open enough to read it or get advice from someone else that’s along these lines, because I feel like a broken record that’s been left in an empty room. Good post and glad it’s out there, maybe it will help out some people.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Vic says:

      I am the husband that has done many of these things to put my wife at the bottom of the totem pole. Father’s Day is coming up and it’ll be a year since she left. We have 3 kids that I’ll only see have the time for the majority of their lives. My older child is crushed most of the time. He’s 12 and has been an excellent student his whole life until we separated. My younger 2 kids are 7 and 4 and look at the every other week custody as little vacations. Our kids adore the both of us. I am a good man but have been a shitty husband and when I had my “aha” moment the momentum had swung too much the wrong way for me to make a difference. Grab your husband and look him in the eye and tell him how you feel. If it doesn’t work, let him read this. It happens to a lot of us and it is sad. I wish I had a time travel machine but I know the old me would be too arrogant to listen to anything I’d have to say because I was always right.

      I love my wife and miss her dearly. Every. Single. Day. I miss my kids on the weeks that they aren’t there. The energy in the house.

      Good Luck and God Bless

      Liked by 1 person

      • The Guat says:

        Thanks for the advice. I have grabbed onto him plenty of times and told him with my heart in my hand and with honesty how I felt but returned broken and gutted because again he hadn’t heard me, or maybe he did and didn’t care. It’s a sad process to lose someone even when you try everything you got and they seem to continue making bad decisions that continue to hurt. I will try to send him something in a Hail Mary attempt but it might only anger him that I’m sending him stuff like this via email. But I guess I can say at least I tried, down to wire. Hope that these posts and messages can help someone out there. That would be a good thing, to at least be able to save someone.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Bye says:

        Unfortunately he read it and said that the article was one sided and I was being emotionally manipulative to show him this article. I would still give him a chance if he would love me and care about me.


    • Mayorsinlaw says:

      Thank you for this, I really identify with it – I am also the wife and I am right at that inflection point you describe – between hanging on, scrambling, working, changing and trying to save it, not getting anywhere and walking away. I’m married and completely alone at the same time. Even though he is out of reach for me a lot of the time he is still the love of my life. He can be so sweet and then in a split second purple faced with rage directed squarely at me over literally “whatever”. If he can’t find the spare set of keys to his vehicle in under 30 seconds its because I have taken up his time or distracted him in some way that made him forget where they were and he can sometimes stonewall me for a whole day or two over something like this. I can’t seem to do anything right and I feel like maybe I am the worst person he knows. I didn’t come here to wreck his life and I am devastated that despite my best efforts I am doing just that.

      Our life has become a strangely choreographed series of hope, dread, resentment, outbursts, silence, HOURS of tv reruns as you say, with the occasional actual conversation and ever so rarely sex. I have been to a marriage counselor, by myself – he told me to run not walk, and I didnt – yet. And yes – I totally get that I have traded my self esteem for a household that functions along with the occasional pat on the head, and yes I know it is making me jumpy, panic-y, crazy, physically sick, sad and worn out. And yes I know that not pushing his buttons might be pushing his other buttons. All that stuff. I am not stupid, but I am living like I am.

      There are no other men and I have no dreams or fantasies at all besides finding a way to create different daily reality. I still hope to find my way back to his heart but my big problem now is exactly what you say – I have started getting ready to be on my own, emotionally detaching, in case thats where I end up.

      I feel for everyone else in this situation and I hope for peace for us all. Thanks for reading.


      • Suze says:

        Funny how the guys on the manosphere keep saying it’s women who initiate divorce because they want to “marry up”… And I can see here that all these other women feel exactly like me, like they have been emotionally abandoned by their husbands. These guys accept no responsibility for any problems, and instead blame the wives. It’s so sad.

        Liked by 3 people

      • MichelleL says:

        About a year later. Any changes? I think it’s the “silent treatment” a few years ago that really started this downward spiral for me. How completely hurtful and damaging that is. For someone to say outloud occasionally “you’re the best, you are such a great wife and mom” but then to COMPLETELY ignore you for days or weeks because they say you “looked at them funny”? Ouch. Beginning of the end I guess. To take every supposed good thing you’ve done and virtually say “it doesn’t matter, I will take all that back because you gave me a wrong look”. It sucks to have to walk on eggshells just buying time until you can move on in life.


      • faithinsearch says:

        I wish my husband would even think about reading these posts. He wont, we will get divorced because he is too stubborn and only thinks about himself.😫


  2. Eric says:

    My wife and I have been married together over fiveyears. We don’t have kids and she isn’t a U.S. citizen. Whenever we have an argument she’ll sometimes be like the hell with the marriage. We just had an argument today. We were supposed to go out to eat and see a movie. She wanted us to take a selfie on her phone. I was okay with it until she really wanted me to hold the phone at a certain angle and make sure her hair was fine. That’s when I started to lose my patience and she said the photos were crap. She accused me of lacking taste cause of my losing patience, leading to our argument. Now she took off somewhere in our car, not telling me where she’s going or when she’ll be back. She won’t answer my calls and I’m asking myself if I did anything wrong to trigger this.


    • Catherine Rodriguez says:

      What did you do when you “lost your patience”? I don’t see why she would say you have no taste. Perhaps her anger is misplaced and something else is really driving her nuts about your behavior that triggers a nerve in her? She needs to think about that. seems like she feels judged by others and to get so upset because of her hair really says a lot. You sound like a very patient person, good luck and I hope all goes well.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. almostthere says:

    I would love if my husband would read this even though i know he won’t. I have been married 23 years and have waited at least 2/3rds of our marriage waiting for him to find me worthy of his love and his time. He is never here for me. He is always out with his friends after work. He doesnt come home at least once a week. He pays very little attention to our 3 year old son but he never paid much attention to our other two children who are now 19 and 21. He doesn’t help pay one bill. Everything in our life falls upon me. The kids, the house, the bills. I really do believe I am ready to end this so- called marriage. I have asked him to leave but he won’t. He says he wants his family. Yet here is another weekend i spend alone with our son. He says its because he doesn’t want to be around me because i nag him for being gone all the time. He does not seem to get that if he was home with us from time to time i wouldnt be nagging. I wish he would just stop being selfish and let go of us. Im tired not being important. Im a person with feelings who deserves as much as he does. Why do men do this? I know of so many women who have this same issue.


    • Bobbypin says:

      Serve him with the divorce when he’s out and change the locks. Sounds like he’s having an affair, btw. You already know it’s over and you already handle everything anyway so handle the divorce so he won’t drag you down and farther.


    • Bronze says:

      Life is far better without a leach attached to you. Trying to get somebody to love you because they ‘should’ is a dead end, no win game. There are other people in this world who see your worth. Go where the love is. Relationships and marriage are not the be all and end all of our existence on earth. Women can and do live happily alone without selfish men. When women stop putting up with it – men might stop doing and I agree, with the other commentator – he sounds like he is having an affair. He wants his family because he is using you to fund his lifestyle and have a place to crash where everything is taken care of. Good luck.


    • Me says:

      Not just you. Same story. But mine cheated on me while he was “working late” with a stripper half his age no less.


  4. Kim says:

    I’m tempted to leave my computer on with this post on the screen. Maybe my husband will read it. I just feel abandoned. He provides, he doesn’t cheat…good guy, like you said. But I don’t feel that he is “here” emotionally even when he is here physically. Comes home every night and pops that recliner back and watches t.v. Usually brings a pizza home for himself..seriously nearly every night. I try to talk with him which typically results in him throwing his hands in the air and yelling, “what did I do now?” and walking out of the room. I was a stay-at-home mom for 10 years and would ask for help on the weekends with 4 kids/housework and he literally replied, “If you did more during the week, you wouldn’t need my help on the weekends.” Now I work part-time, and still no help. My last request was met with this reply, “I do “stuff” all day, I don’t see why I need to come home and do more stuff!” I think about divorce obsessively. I was so happy to see this post, I was starting to think I was crazy for thinking about things the way I do. I’m not perfect, I’m sure I do “shitty wife” things too. I just want my husband to want to spend time with me and/or the kids. There is no way I could afford to support myself and the kids if I left. I feel “trapped.”


    • Lee says:

      I am so glad I saw this. That insane feeling where you think things are supposed to be better than what you currently have, I had it too. I went so far as to get on medication feeling like it was just some type of depression I couldn’t beat. I realized when I was away from him I was happier because he wasn’t there with the constant demeaning comments about me. The biggest thing I noticed was that he never spent time with me and was always gone doing projects. I think men get lazy especially after their wife has a child figuring that they don’t have to pull their weight anymore because their wife won’t leave them due to her being a mother. All I know is after years of this baloney, I have had enough. No more. I should have left years ago.


  5. Wow, I’m reading all of these & just ordered the book you recommended as a gift to my husband. I also shared the link here. I just hope he gets as insightful as you are, real fast. You are preaching to the choir.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. A. says:

    this is so on point. I am used to men saying “she just left…” and think, yep she just left after trying forever and you ignoring her pleas. I assumed this would be overrun by men attacking you. It’s not that wives don’t have faults. It’s just that society doesn’t raise women to treat men like maids nor cater to their sexuality and teach them to be entitled and selfish. It’s pretty astute of you to realize how much women eventually want to cheat due to utter loneliness and despair. I haven’t and don’t condone it, but it’s like you read my mind. Women are sexual beings, too. I’m terrified of divorce but there is hope that once I adjust I can be happy and experience love. With marriage there seems to be no hope. There is so little left of me.


  7. A. says:

    Why is it men cannot admit the privilege and sexism they carry into a relationship? I want to scream when people say, “it takes two”. Two people have faults. It only takes one to treat marriage like a maid service. You can react differently, but you can’t demand respect from someone who views himself as above you and it’s intolerable after a time. Mine once said all our problems stem from my not backing down, which I thought spoke volumes about his perspective. I basically have no say. I can ask /beg him to prioritize things that matter (family? me? marriage?) but he can’t discuss – only ignore or attack. Basically my having any input is unwelcome and viewed as hostile and deserving of attack by him. He wasn’t always like this but there were signs and far fewer obligations.
    He seems incapable of considering me in any form. How can you ever improve with someone like that? You literally cannot be heard. I have no career anymore. I worked part-time and was the ft parent and now I work zero time and do everything at home. It’s like quicksand.
    You are very observant with your comment about silence = checking out.I sympathize with women who have affairs. I understand that longing for love and not feeling like you should have to suffer more and turn your world upside down before you have it.
    He’ll be another one of those men who says, “she just left” and leave out the “after I ignored her, her needs, wishes, and anything she ever said for 16 years.”


  8. Dave says:

    I am currently a shitty husband. This a general invite to women reading this to please talk to me and help me understand. My wife hasnt given up yet but i know she is precaripusly close my situation and life are somewhat unique but i am hoping to save our lives.


    • Ginny says:

      I hope I can help, I have 4 friends that I’ll die for who have either divorced or about to. I stumbled on this post because I was looking for something to help them along their path of their new situation. I don’t want another couple to become like them, it’s tragic when compared to how happy they were when they first got married.


  9. Nicole says:

    I wish someone would send this to my husband. I have read several of your letters, crying.


    • Marion says:

      Send him the link. I sent it to mine. I really hopes he reads it. There are so many of us out there just wanting our husband to be our hero. Just him.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Sally says:

      Give me his email address. I’ll send it to him it you return the favour and send it to my husband.

      I’m at the stage of checking out…and he says I am being abusive by not talking to him, but I just can’t bring myself to say anything. When I am so resentful and angry I stay quiet because I don’t trust what might come out of my mouth. Words can hurt, but he feels the pain of silence more acutely.

      What can I say to him? I can’t talk to him about his ambitions, or future projects….because he has none. I can’t talk to him about what he does in his spare time, because all does is watch TV or look at property websites. I can’t talk to him about how delicious the meal he made was, because he doesn’t cook unless I beg him to.
      I can’t talk to him about the interesting/topical links I send him in emails, because he doesn’t read them. What can I have left to say, when I have been consistently ignored in every other way for so long? I have absolutely zero desire to be with anybody else sexually. I feel like I could easily handle being single with a child, as it’s how I have been operating for so long now.

      He used to say that he was always trying to impress me. That hasn’t happened for such a long time. It’s like every day is a new disappointment and a little piece of me breaks each time.

      I’m not perfect.
      I just don’t know how to show him this without it feeling like I’m attacking him. I desperately want him to understand. He sees nothing wrong with his behaviour. He genuinely believes it. He says he has ‘made a mistake’ and that people make mistakes. But 24 months of ignoring me and my needs, and my pleas (both verbal and written) for help, is not a mistake.

      He’s living his life like a bachelor and it’s killing me.


  10. JO says:

    I would like to meet this author and marry him. I have read some of your posts to my husband, he even shed a few tears and apologized for being a shitty husband. That was a few weeks ago. Today he just let me cry and grieve the relationship while he went to a professional football game.


  11. Cathy says:

    Yes, there are good and bad days. We are a convenience remember,


  12. Toya says:

    I cried like a baby reading this. It hit me on SO MANY LEVELS! I MISS THE MAN that I fell for, I wish I could get just half of this from him.


  13. TA says:

    Relationships take work and time, wish more ppl realized that!! You’re a pretty smart man😀


  14. Anonymous says:

    Great piece. But if a man is reading this I imagine it’s already too late. How can a woman approach her husband with this information? Especially one that think he knows it all?


  15. chivonho says:

    I watched my mother toil for 30 years married to a shitty husband, supporting the family, doing chores while holding down full time job while my father drifted in and out of the marriage when he pleased. My father belittles my mother’s opinions, he likes to hear his own voice talking about himself. I watched him put his needs above my mother’s needs, and above the family’s needs all my life, and i fear that my future husband would also be like that. He wasn’t a bad man, but he’s really not suited for marriage.

    Observing my parents marriage has made me think the worst of marriages and men. I mostly ignore my father, as i have lost all respect for him steadily over the years. My mom still loves my father (she also has a strong florence nightingale syndrome), after 30 years of cleaning up his messes (financially & literally) and doing the fair share of parenting work in the house, she still feels ‘sorry’ for him and wants to help him/save him from himself. To a certain extent i think she also enabled his shitty behaviour by not calling him out in his selfishness when they were younger. Now it’s too late – she nags at him about it but he doesn’t bother to make a change. I think it’s because he knows she’ll never divorce him, no matter what shit he does.

    As a child brought up in this environment, i can say that it is very toxic for me to watch and it has turned me off from marriage.


  16. Just another house wife says:

    This is helpful insight, but depressing. My husband is shitty and doesnt care and won’t listen. I’m constantly thinking of divorce, but dont want my 3 year old daughter to be the kid who has to scream and cry and not understand why she cant see her daddy every day. Its nice to know that some people finally get it though. Thanks for sharing your story. I hope you’re able to find happiness, whatever that looks like for you personally.


  17. pebblesroad says:

    I am in tears reading your blog. My partnership of many years is slowly being killed by everything you mention here. I feel unwanted, rejected and unloved. The sex feels mechanical, he doesn’t believe in foreplay and I am desperate for someone to just touch me, listen to me and be there in the way I would like.

    When I try to talk I’m met with a brick wall. I only found this post as I was trying to find a way to cope with my partner. We have been through mumtiple miscarriages and it’s a very sensitive subject to us. So we stopped trying for around 12/13 months and this morning I went up to him and started trying to say I was finally feeling ready to try again, he didn’t aknowledge what I was saying because he was busy staring at my boobs and didn’t even register. I literally felt a bit of love for him die in that moment. Sorry if that sounds dramatic but it is true, I have never known somebody makes me feel so rejected.

    I love him so much, I want to care for him as I have for years but I am feeling helpless as time goes on to save a relationship with someone who sees it as they do no wrong.


  18. Mel says:

    I found this website today. And can I just say, this is brilliant..
    I swear it’s like you have read mine and many other frustrated, hurt, and broken womens minds and hearts.
    I am currently at the tipping point with my marriage.
    Although this is likely too late to make a difference in my situation, I am certain that these words could make the difference to a husband or partner in a relationship that isn’t as far gone as ours.
    Thank you for your brilliant honesty.
    Thank you for showing women that were not over reacting, or making mountains out of mole Hills…..and our thoughts matter.
    Thank you

    Liked by 1 person

  19. A. says:

    I am the wife that is feeling every single feeling you mentioned about wanting to leave. You took the words right out of my head. And the way you describe what a woman wants and needs is what I want and need to a T! If only my husband could understand and I could tell him all of this and he hears me, not just listens but hears me. I’m at that point where you mentioned, if she isn’t nagging you and so on, that’s where I’m at. I truly feel like I don’t give a shit anymore. I wish he could think the way you do and see what he has done to this marriage with all his negativity and bitching and complaining. The only thing keeping me around right now is our children. As sad as that sounds, it’s the truth.
    I honestly don’t think I’ve ever read more true words in my life. So thank you! Thank you for putting this out there. It was refreshing to read. I commend you for being so honest!
    I don’t know how old this post is but I hope you have found happiness.


  20. My husband has noticed and is trying his best but I feel it may be too late for us. He asked the other night if I hated him. I don’t hate him, I feel indifferent which is far worse. If I hated him, then there would be love hiding there somewhere. As it is I feel nothing. I haven’t had a physical affair, though I have had a text based emotional affair. I never believed I would ever do anything like that and I don’t think I would have been tempted in the slightest had I been happy in my marriage.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CKav says:

      I feel like this also. When I finally told my husband I was done (after basically begging/pleading/telling him what I needed, much like the author restates over and over), he reflected and he’s since been trying to change. The problem is all the residual anger and frustrations, the “why didn’t you do this when I was in front of you miserable and depressed, begging you to change” instead of when I told you I was finally fed up. Now I fear I’m way to checked out, he let my passion and love for him die. I care about him, love him (not in love), but him making small strides now makes me feel like a terrible person for not being able to love him again.

      Liked by 1 person

  21. Gary says:

    I am a shitty husband and though not a religious or that smart a man thank God I found you.
    I think I just needed to be able to see myself in the printed word,
    I love my wife and children and it may be more not loving myself that keeps me in termoil.


  22. Melissa says:

    OMFG who are you and were do you live?! I want you to be my marriage consoler. This is the 5th blog entry of yours that I have read tonight and I swear to GOD you are hitting every nail on the head. I want to punch my computer because I’m so mad at my husband right now and I wish he understood my perspective on our relationship on the same level as you. What the hell do I need to do to get him to understand my pain and frustration in our marriage?!?! I am so frustrated and I feel so marginalized.


    • Matt says:

      Hi Melissa. I’m no doctor. I just wanted to know how, despite believing myself to be a good person and WANTING to be married to her, that I could hurt her so badly that she’d want to leave EVEN with the pain of sacrificing half of our son’s childhood.

      That was the question I needed to ask. So I looked for answers in books and conversation and self-reflection until I found them.

      Because the break was brutal. And it must never happen again. And I want very much for other people and other little kids to not have to feel that either.

      So I write the stories. I’m glad you feel validated. But other than you not feeling alone, nothing gets better until you guys bridge the divide.

      Requires understanding. A level I achieved over the better part of two or more years of misery.

      I needed the pain to get there.

      I hope others won’t.


    • Melissa says:

      You are validating all of the feelings that I have right now towards my husband, except for the cheating part. I’ve been cheated on before and it’s like getting your heart, stomach, and brain physically torn out of your body all at once. I wouldn’t even do that to the guy who cheated on me. But there have been times where I feel like I’m doing all of the emotional weight lifting and cannot get any relief from my husband. I love him so much, but he breaks my heart sometimes, and I don’t know how to make him understand that.


      • Matt says:

        He’ll need to be in the right frame of mind, but if you type into the search box (at the top on your mobile phone, and way at the bottom if you’re on a desktop computer) “Is your spouse hurting you on purpose?” I personally believe it’s the right conversation to have. There’s some excellent wisdom in the comments section of that post.


  23. Donegoner says:

    Note how he has no judgment for the women who fantasize about cheating on you. He justifies their despicable betrayal and shames you instead.


  24. CJ says:

    Is there a way to delete comments?


  25. ging says:

    My husband’s friends have always come first. God forbid anything I need for him to do interferes with time planned to be with his friends. He gets excited to do things with his friends such as hunting or fishing or going to a game etc. so much so he can hardly sleep. Doing something with me though is a chore, something he does to shut me up. He drinks a lot and can’t have fun without being drunk and perhaps this is why he doesn’t like doing things with me because I don’t drink, don’t want to drink, can’t drink; being on call 24/7 with my job responsibilities. He has never planned anything on his own for the two of us to do together, I’ve never gotten a surprise, he rarely takes me out but he will move the moon and the earth for a neighbor or just some guy he has just met. I’m done, I’m ready to move on. I want to be first in someone’s life or else be alone. I’m tired of feeling hurt, rejected, alone, judged and overlooked.


  26. Stacey M says:

    Thank you for writing this article! I am married to a man who never wants to do anything with me. It used to be so hurtful, and the tears I cried over the years are many. But I didnt realize that I had indeed reached the “apathy” stage, where you start to prepare yourself for life after divorce. It is just as you said, I would rather choose the misery of divorce than the misery of living with him. I hope your article does help to keep more marriages together, and helps men realize a little act of kindness or thoughfulness in a marriage goes a long way.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. StacyP says:

    I have these posts opened in my “private” browser. It’s been a few months since I feel I’ve needed to read them. And here I am again. It’s a vicious cycle of my not giving him what he wants/ needs and him not giving me what I want/need. I know he needs more in the physical dept. But when he literally ignores me while watching tv or playing on his tablet, it’s the last thing I want to do. There’s no such thing as romantic or loving touches from him. It’s only sexual touching. Like, I’ve been ignored for weeks on end and you think I want to do that? He’s almost totally checked out from family stuff. If it’s the ONE sport he’s in to, it’s important to him so he comes. Anything else, he either complains about or doesn’t come. He sits in the bathroom for 30-60 minutes after work. Then sleeps. Then wakes up for a bit and then watches tv the rest of the night in bed. It’s disheartening. I 100% know I’m not anywhere close to perfect. And he’s a good man. It just feels bad to feel unimportant. And he’s been known to give me the silent treatment. Up to a week once. It sends me into a depression. I’ve never ever been a nagger. I don’t even complain much. Again, I know I do stuff wrong every day but it’s hard to feel like your one true love isn’t even on your side. My biggest hope and prayer is that my kids find someone who truly cherishes them. I long for that for them. I hope they have a marriage full of love and happiness and respect. Even through difficult times. Thanks for posting these, it’s like a tiny bit of therapy when I need it most.


  28. Cody says:

    I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place, I’m the husband of 3 years, bith of us have gotten on each others nerves and caused arguments, i knoe ive done more than my fair share of bad things that nmmake her feel bad, and she does the same. She’s disabled with cripling anxiety, a mood disorder, and a seizure disorder, me I have no background of mental health issues. She complains to me often that she feels lonely and that she wants me to spend more tine with her, and I get that, and I really want to, but how am suppose to do that when I work a 10 hour job, come home and clean the house for hours (she is unable to clean), care for our animals (we have a lot because we foster) then after all that, i help her with her own work (shes a digital artist and i help her when she needs it), after thats all said and done, I’m able to get maybe 2 or 3 hours of sleep then as soon as she wakes up my day starts all over again. Am I wrong to feel inadequate, and am I wrong for feeling agitated?


    • Matt says:

      No, sir.

      You are NOT me and please don’t think I would ever say or think otherwise.

      You no doubt have a human flaw or two, but if your description of your lifestyle is on point, you ARE giving more than you take in your marriage.

      Doesn’t mean there isn’t room for more love or compromise. But it sure as hell means you’re the furthest thing from a shitty husband, accidentally or otherwise.

      Thank you for giving all that you do. I hope you’ll continue to try and that it will be met with recognition and gratitude by the people you love.


    • You are not a shitty husband. You are a compassionate human being on the verge of burning out. If you can, please seek out counseling so someone can help you!


  29. Summer says:

    I wish my husband would read this. He has to spend time with his friends and beer, every single night. He’ll fix anything at the neighbor’s house, but not at ours. I can come too, but I feel like a third wheel in my own life. I have no idea how to tell him that spending time together is more than just coexisting under the same roof to eat when he finally decides to come home. He’ll tell me that he’s stressed and depressed and hates his job, but it becomes my job to manage his emotions while ignoring mine. Our sex life is in the toilet because he’d rather drink.


  30. eltrain says:

    “If she’s acting like a different person. Quiet. Reserved. Doesn’t “bother” you as much about the stuff that troubles her, I’ve got bad news, man. It’s not because it’s no longer bothering her or that she’s turned a corner and understands you more now.

    It’s because she doesn’t give a shit about you, she’s learning to do everything by herself as she prepares for her life as a single, divorced woman, and she might be having sex with someone else. If she’s not, she’s strongly entertaining the idea.”

    Wow! This is so true. That’s where I am now. You nailed it. On the one hand, I wish my husband would read your blog. On the other hand, I’m pretty sure it’s too late for our marriage.


    • Matt says:

      I’m sorry.

      The nature of how people find these articles is such that it has to be bad before they start asking certain questions.

      I wish these were conversations we could have BEFORE everything turns ugly.

      Here’s to you both. I hope there’s peace up ahead. Thank you for reading.


      • David says:

        Matt – I found your blog last week and many of those things i could have written myself – especially the first two posts. Fortunately, other things happened in our lives that turned things around before it got to the point it did for you. But, it took some hard conversations between the two of us. I literally did a Google search for “am I a shitty husband?” and found this. Reading this from Matt as a neutral third-party writer makes me realize how bad I was without getting defensive from my wife telling me how I was. I am now working on fixing what I have done and the change is amazing. My wife is a little overwhelmed at times and wondering if it is real. It is real and she is on board with the changes.

        Men – if you are reading this and want to save your marriage, do the list of 7 things listed in Vol. 4!!!! These are not hard. The hard part is realizing that you were NOT doing those things previously. Move away from the thought of “she owes me.” She does not owe you anything. Think of it that you owe her your love, gratitude and thanks for everything she does and those things which she “owes” you will come to you (usually sex, am I right?). I am doing these things and there is a world of difference in our relationship.

        Do not be afraid to put her first!!! Your friends, sports, guys night out will always be there. She may not be. For example, if you love football, remember that there are 7 months out of the year that football is not being played. It is also not played 7 days a week during the season. Spend the time not watching football on her!!

        Men – if you are defensive about what Matt has written, it is because you are a shitty husband. If you want to save your marriage, DO WHAT HE SAYS!!!! If she has not left, it is not too late. It will take time and you must be patient!!!

        Liked by 1 person

  31. Jamie says:

    This hit home so hard because it’s exactly how I feel right now, “You make her sad. If you didn’t have children, money, real estate and family ties, she’d already be gone.”
    The really sad part Matt is that I bet most of the people that find your blog are women desperate for their husbands to read your words and understand how very right you are.
    I can’t imagine spending the remainder of my life enduring the cruelty and laziness. My husband runs his own small business from home but the majority of his day isn’t spent working (despite the fact that we desperately need more income) it’s screwing off. Staying up watching tv all night, sleeping all day, HOURS a day spent scrolling facebook. I’m either his mother or the nagging bitch and I’m sick and tired of it. I’m only torn between waiting the 5 years until our last child is off to college or now.


  32. Neta says:

    Oh Matt. I read and cried. I can’t even imagine the size of a rage blowup my husband would have if I showed him your article. I tried it with super sugar coated delicately put articles and I’m still shaking remembering his reaction.
    He himself does not read things like this and have no chance of finding it on his own:(
    I tried to bring my pain to his attention in a millions of ways. He thinks I should not feel the way I feel. That’s all.
    Most guys see thins clearly way too late.
    He is ADHD by the way:( , firmly in denial


    • Matt says:

      I’m so sorry. I get it only because I’m him.

      I had to learn the hard way. I had to hurt and break and cry and feel like you feel right now.

      That was the fire I had to endure to achieve the skill and clarity of mindful empathy.

      I’m so sorry that he appears on my same trajectory.

      My sincerest best wishes for the both of you.

      Thank you for taking a moment to write.


  33. Tiredanddisgusted says:

    Wow, what a site. You just described me. (except for the sleeping with another man part– I’ve just about HAD IT with the complication of sexual relationships at this point in my life!)

    My hubby retired last year, but I am still working full time. It’ll be several years before I can even think about retirement. We have no children living with us.

    Does he do *anything* around the house now that he’s home all day? No, unless I specifically request it.

    He used to at least mow the lawn but now does not even do that– unless I ask. It seems I’m being “set up” to be The Nag. Why should I have to ask for help with…. anything, really…. does he not have eyes to see when the garbage is overflowing or there are dishes in the sink or laundry is piled high?

    Does he not give a damn that, after 10-hour days, perhaps I’m tired and would like to come home to a prepared meal, just like HE used to come home to? Does he not give a damn that I used to do all the housework back when we were both working, and now that he has ALL DAY FREE, I shouldn’t have to still do it all on my own?!

    I’m bouncing back and forth between anger and apathy– it’s hard to find motivation to do anything anymore– I just want to crawl under a rock.


  34. Diana says:

    I just read volume 4 of Shitty Husbands. Wow, nailed my husband to a tee. Now what? Ignored or insulted.


  35. Kate Harrison says:

    It’s nice to read about this from the guy’s side.

    I just wish my husband would.

    Thank you. X

    Liked by 1 person

  36. Ju says:

    I disagree with #2. She shouldn’t have to ask you to do stuff. Chores are as much her responsibility as yours. You shouldn’t need to be told to do them.


  37. renwllms says:

    I am this wife. Nineteen years together and I’m miserable. I’m invisible. I don’t matter. It’s clear. I don’t fantasize about other men because I truly think they’re all the same. Im an object to be used or thing to be ignored or the maid or the babysitter and chauffeur. I honestly don’t know why I’ve stayed this long. No, that’s a lie. I stay because I’m trapped. I wish my husband would read your blog and actually try. Unfortunately, I’m afraid he’d roll his eyes, call you a name, and tell me I’m crazy or stupid while either demanding sex or completely ignoring me so he can argue politics with strangers on Facebook, sneak beer (supposed to be a recovering alcoholic), or sleep life away while trapping me and our small children in this house and this life. On second thought, why do I even want to stay? I’m not sure I do….. He lost me when our special needs 7 year old was 2 weeks old. That’s when I truly became invisible. I haven’t been seen since.


  38. renwllms says:

    I’m sorry you’re feeling unseen and unheard. This is me right now. It hurts. I do hope you’ve found happiness and peace since posting your comment.


  39. Spearcarrier says:

    Once in a while I get sick of his sh*t and I do random internet searches. I’m almost always lead here.

    Mine does things for me. He does. He’s got PTSD and he goes through phases, though During the phases, I’m the bad guy. I”m always in the wrong. Nothing I say is correct. He has to be right about everything, especially topics in my field of work he literally knows nothing about. And then the big fight comes, which leads me back to here.

    Lately he’s been more selfish and I’ve been hearing “You should just leave then” when I follow the advice and tell him how I”m feeling. I think this time I’m about done. They’re not big fights, they’re not abusive fights, but I sure am tired of not even being able to go to the store without him acting out in some way and ME getting the glares because I don’t put up with it in public. (Gasp! I express myself in front of strangers!) And I’m tired of, say, trying to talk to the mechanic about a car brain issue and having him override things I’m saying. (He will also answer questions for the professional instead of letting them do their job.)

    He lets me have whatever I want, but he won’t move around. He won’t try to eat right (Type II diabetic) and he’s always trying to increase our debt – which means I have to work harder and harder and harder. I’ve told him repeatedly I’m tired. He gets mad. He gets offended.

    I’m not fantasizing about other men because they’re just not worth it. But I am fantasizing about running away.

    All. Of. The Time.

    I would already be gone if life and money were any different, I have to admit.


  40. […] An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 4 […]


  41. Ashley says:

    I was this wife and this is exactly what happened. I tried and tried and tried. Before I knew it, the coworker that showed me all of the attention I was missing, I ended up doing it. It ended as soon as it started and the guilt came in. How could I do this? I was NEVER this person and I didn’t know how I ended up here. I knew right then I’m that moment that I would never do it again. But then the apathy came in. Along with massive guilt. I was angry at my husband for making me feel so insignificant that I could allow this to happen. But I was even more angry at myself that I put myself in that position. I couldn’t leave my husband. I still loved him more than anything and still wanted my marriage. I still wanted him! I wanted my family. So I kept it to myself. For almost 3 years I kept it to myself and continued to be the best wife I could be. Then it got to be too much. He was still treating me this way and became harsher in his words and still had no respect for me. I suggested counseling for years. I went to counseling on my own several times. Tried several depression/anxiety meds. How else do you deal with a marriage with a man that you love but refuses to treat you well? So one day I finally snapped. After weeks of arguing and not getting anywhere and one more broken promise, I packed a bag for me and my son and left to stay with family for the night. Husband finally came home and realized I wasn’t there with our son. My husband wouldn’t speak to me for 3 days. When he was finally ready to talk, he told me I needed to go live with my parents, that I couldn’t stay in our home anymore. So I didn’t argue and I packed my clothes and left. He immediately started seeing someone else and was still trying to talk to me and work on things. I finally admitted that I cheated and I didn’t want to go back to a relationship that made me feel so low that I had abandoned my own morals and cheated. That didn’t go over very well. He was mad that I told him about it. He thought I just told him to dig the knife in a little deeper just to hurt him. When I’m reality, I told him because I didn’t think it was fair to him to keep trying and putting in all his effort to fix our marriage just to get happy again for me to tell him later. I thought I was doing the right thing and being honest. I needed him to see his behavior was not okay. You can’t treat people this way and expect them to just be okay with it. It fucks people up. I never wanted lies or secrets. We got back together and split 4 times in less than 2 years. It was the most tumultuous and lowest time in my life. He would come back and promise the world and swear it would be the last time just to leave again. He couldn’t stand it that I walked out on him. He couldn’t get over me cheating. He couldn’t move past it. He asked me why I did it and I told him that he treated me like crap. Like I was disposable and would never be able to walk away. I never blamed him for me cheating. I blamed him for treating me the way he did which ultimately led to it. I take full responsibility for my cheating. I never thought I would end up being a cheater. I know for a fact that I would never do it again. And now Im a single mom.


  42. Natalia says:

    I too, join the long list of wives that agree that this article is spot on. I have also reached my breaking point. My husband thinks he’s the best man on earth because he doesn’t cheat and comes home every night. But I’m unreasonable when I ask him to let me know when he is going to be home 3 hours late from work. My (seemingly endless) well of tears has finally dried up. How hard is it to make your wife and children your priority? Why does he run off and help everyone else? Why does he get to sleep all day when he doesn’t feel good but I have to bust my butt still when I’m sick? Why does he get to go to Doctors appointments without a care in the world??? If I need to go to the Doctors or Dentist, I need to find someone to watch the kids. How is this okay??? He is so busy trying to be the hero to everyone else….meanwhile his wife hasn’t had a single break from the kids in over a year. I wish he would pull his head out of his ass long enough to read this article. I’m sure we will divorce.


  43. Dummy says:

    I have a lot of work to do to become a better husband but any relationship advice that puts all of the responsibility to fix the relationship on one person is off-target. It is possible for a man to be a lousy husband while the wife is also a lousy wife. This series makes the leaping assumption that a woman can do no wrong in a marriage and that a man’s needs and feelings are invalid when compared to the wife. Your advice is for a man to “man up” and ignore any flaws in his marriage and just be a hero with no needs or his own. This is some of the most toxic “be a man” advice I’ve ever seen. News flash… men’s feelings and needs are also valid!


  44. Too long says:

    I would adjust two things on your list. Don’t apologize – change your behavior. I can’t even list the number of flowers and apologies I’ve received over the years, only for the same behavior to repeated over and over. Women don’t nag, husbands don’t do what they say they will do. If they did, wives wouldn’t have to bring it up again and again.
    The second thing is, if your relationship has entered or almost entered the apathy stage – don’t hug her. That amount of closeness must be earned and your wife must trust you.

    Otherwise, I’m so glad I found your web site. It gives me hope that men really aren’t as dumb as rocks. Just selfish.


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