The Female Rating System


This old lady does not approve of the rating system. In related news, she’s a 2-2-3. Unless I drink a lot of tequila. Then? Maybe a 2-1-3.


Three little numbers.

That’s what I’ve reduced women to here.

Check that. That’s what Ryan and whoever invented his little female rating system has done.

It’s horrible and hilarious all at the same time.

To be clear, it’s only accidently demeaning to women. The rating system’s sole purpose is to communicate with other men what you’re thinking in a way he can understand via quick text message.

Ryan is my neighbor. Even though he’s five years younger than me, he has his doctorate and is way more successful than I am, personally and professionally.

He has a great job. He has a gorgeous and brilliant girlfriend. He has more cars than I do. His house is nicer. Basically, everything about his life is better than mine. It’d be annoying if I didn’t like him.

Ryan introduced me to, and may have invented, the Three Poles in the Pond theory.

He became my neighbor the same week my wife moved out. He’s at least passively interested in my dating situation.

When I told him I was going on my first date in more than a dozen years, he asked me to send him her digits.

“You want her phone number?”

“No. You don’t know the three-digit rating system?” he asked.

“Dude, I’ve been married,” I said.

“Okay,” he said. “It’s like this…”

The Rating System

Three numbers.

1. The Face Rating (Scale: 1-10)
This is not an exact science.
Whenever I have rated a girl on a scale of 1-10, I’ve never believed a 6 was a very good rating. You know? The way a big red 73% isn’t exactly something you’re proud to see at the top of your high school math test.
Anything rated five and up is good in Ryan’s eyes.
“That’s above average!” he says.
I think he’s full of shit. I employ a more stringent rating method. But I make bad decisions so I’m probably doing it wrong.

2. Would You Sleep with Her? (Yes = 1. No = 2.)

Level of desperation, the lunar cycle and alcohol consumption could all come into play on this one.
But there’s no ambiguity. The second number is an important piece of information. And you only have two choices. Would you? Or wouldn’t you?
This is the part where really important things like personality, chemistry and self-respect come into play.

3. The Body Rating (Scale: 1-10)

Just like the Face Rating.
But everyone likes different things, so these ratings are always subjective.
Some men like chesty women. Others like petite ones.
Some men prefer thicker hind ends. The curvy look.
Some like tall women. Or athletes. Or BBWs.

My first date in a dozen years was a 7-1-6 in my estimation.

My second date was a 9-2-7.

So, chemistry goes a long way with me.

Ryan still remembers old girlfriends and women he has met by their numbers. He and his friends still banter about the 8-1-7 from that one night last year, or the 3-2-10 that got drunk with them on their last camping trip.

On my first date, Ryan insisted I text him the numbers.

So the first time she went to the restroom at the bar, I texted to Ryan: “7-1-6.”

“Yeah man. Take her home!” was his response. He’s an excellent combination of polite gentleman and total savage.

I don’t have a good sense of how offensive women will consider this. But I’m curious to find out.

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18 thoughts on “The Female Rating System

  1. lpaint says:

    I haven’t heard of this before (it’s brilliant and awesome) but will certainly utilize it on my next dating prospects. >:)


  2. “its only accidentally demeaning to women” – I love the way you write!


  3. jessiesgirl says:

    I’m reading your blog from the beginning today and I’m noticing a trend that I’d like to address with you, sir. You seem a little hung up on appearances. First…your own appearance. Graying hair at 34? Two words for you — George Clooney. “Only” 5 foot 9 inches tall? Most girls I know are 5 foot 6 inches or shorter. Next…the appearance of potential women to date. From what I’ve gleaned, your ex was gorgeous…how’d that work out for ya? And the stunning Italian doctor from Chicago…beauty was only skin deep there, wasn’t it? The manatee comment in your online dating post…uncalled for. In my experience, someone can be physically perfect but be the ugliest person you’ve ever met on the inside. And someone who you might not have given a second look can become the most attractive person in the world because of who they are, not how they look. Say you meet a super sweet, smart, interesting girl, but she’s heavier than you typically prefer. Did you ever think that maybe she’s not happy with how she looks either? Maybe she’s looking for a workout partner? Maybe having a man notice her would motivate her to take better care of herself? Maybe she has health problems…you don’t know. And you won’t know until you give her a chance. You see, I really like you and I don’t want to see you pass up your soulmate because she didn’t get high enough marks in some shallow rating system. I know you didn’t create the system, but going forward, perhaps you should consider adding a few categories, such as intelligence, sense of humor, sensitivity, integrity, potential to be a good role-model for Owen. You’re a smart guy and I hope that when the time comes to get serious about finding the right girl, you’ll think with the correct brain. ;-)


    • Matt says:

      You’re going to make me get defensive! It’s one of my biggest weaknesses!

      Physical attractiveness is not irrelevant.

      If physical attraction didn’t matter, a ton of us would be gay because it’s easier for us to identify with people who think and feel as we do.

      That said, this post addresses what I look for in a partner:

      I’d like to think an honest evaluation of me would conclude that I’m not shallow.

      But I am putting myself out there. And it’s up to everyone else to form whatever opinion of me they see fit.

      As you have. As you are. I hope in the final evaluation, you consider me a good person. I want to be one of those.


      • says:

        You and your neighbor are Godly people. 1st reason your neighbor created this amazing system. Also i agree that physical attraction matters. 2nd reason yall are godly is because you introduced the system of how i date women and i have also introduced this to my friends so i just wanted to say thank you.


  4. […] Learn the system here: The Female Rating System […]


  5. […] neighbor Ryan of Three Poles in the Pond and Female Rating System fame had contacted me earlier in the week. We were going to paint the town Saturday night. Four […]


  6. AndiMirandi says:

    Reblogged this on AndiMirandi and commented:
    Thank you Matt, for linking to this today. I had never seen it and I love it. And, I’m passing this on to my friends!! <3


  7. Damn. Recently read some of your Open Letter to Shitty Husbands writing, so when I saw you’d written something on this subject I thought, great, he gets it, SOMEONE on the web will have written not a how-to on objectifying women but will, you know, object!

    Maybe you have grown since 2013? If so, perhaps remove this? Or better, write up a great article about how attractiveness rankings objectify women, that comparing women to each other is dehumanizing and part of the problem with sexism in our culture, etc. Perhaps research the idea that there’s an implied (and actual) power differential when a woman’s comparative attractiveness to a man is such a huge deal in our culture? Would love to read your better thoughts on this.


    • Matt says:

      Hey. Yeah. This blog was a drunk divorced guy’s journal in the midst of his family breaking and losing his wife/son half the time/sense of self, etc.

      It was a real-time journal that was designed to capture this trainwreck story and entertain people with my bullshit.

      But then, something funny happened. Things I wrote connected with people and made a difference. It helped. People cared. And over the months and years, this thing that was all about freshly divorced, single Me, became about others.

      That was one of the first three or four post ever. I didn’t realize anyone ever saw that stuff.

      Apologies. I don’t think I would have written anything overly horrible there because I’m not in the skin-deep business, but I’m confident it falls well outside the current mission of my writing today.

      I don’t know if I’ve grown up. :) But I’ve found purpose in writing here. And it’s NOT about documenting my single-dad dating life as I thought I might to score a few laughs.

      Attractiveness rankings DO objectify women. And as a general rule, dehumanizing humans is the root cause of most problems in the world. So I’m not okay with that.

      But I’m also going to be cautious about too much knee jerking. I think we can find quite a few instances of people oogling actors/musicians/models/etc. for no other reason than they find them physically or sexually attractive. This is not unique to a gender.

      And, that in and of itself is not something I have a problem with. People should be allowed to find beauty in whatever they naturally feel is beautiful.

      When we start applying rape culture, and sexism, and a bunch of horrible things to a conversation about attraction between two single adults, we make it ugly, no doubt.

      Rest assured, I don’t subscribe to behavior that fundamentally harms others. I’m not entirely convinced — as immature and unnecessary as it may be — that guys measuring attractiveness is inherently evil. That would only be true if mistreatment followed.

      I’m firmly against mistreating people. Always and forever.


      • “I’m not entirely convinced — as immature and unnecessary as it may be — that guys measuring attractiveness is inherently evil.”

        Says a white guy whose patriarchal power structure measures penis size as a personal failure.

        “Attractiveness rankings DO objectify women.” Well, now I don’t know what the fuck you’re trying to say.

        Something like “Ah heh, yeah, I go along with my bros and don’t call them out on this shit because that would involve blowback for me. And being as privileged and entitled as I am because of my skin color and gender, that would make me extra uncomfortable. So I’d prefer to mansplain my behavior as Not So Bad and morally equivocate, because asking me to consider the feelings of fuckable things makes me angry.”

        Do you fuck your mom with that limp dick? Or just tell her she’s a 3?


        • Matt says:

          You not only made it about gender, but about skin color, too.

          Unkindly, in fact.

          I’m not interested in making a sideshow out of a 4+ year-old irrelevant post, but the question is worth asking:

          Are you as morally outraged by swimsuit modeling, fashion shows, beer commercials, romance novels, half-naked cowboys on birthday cards, male strippers at bachelorette parties, male underwear models, etc?

          Are Baywatch, Gucci ads, and Abercrombie marketing materials things we should politicize and publicly shame or berate their creators for making and distributing?


      • Thanks for your reply, and for engaging with this. Since you’re against mistreating people and I think you are sincerely trying to learn the ways that happens – often accidentally – please consider that there may be problems you haven’t considered. Note that I don’t object to finding people attractive or commenting on it; that would be silly. By all means, find beauty in people! The problem is with comparing women to each other based on sexual attractiveness. Absent any context, it might not be problematic; but we don’t live in a context vacuum, so here we go: ways in which it does, in fact, equal mistreating people, which you are (yay!) against.

        1. On a basic, all-humans level, it perpetuates the damaging idea that there’s a linear spectrum of beauty with a defined ideal.
        2. Although there are exceptions, the majority of this ranking is about women and perpetuates the cultural value that men’s worth is defined largely by their brains, money, and charisma, while women’s worth is defined largely by their sexual attractiveness to men.
        3. It’s part of the historical power dynamic where women are commodities and may be treated as commodities. Consider the context in which women were literally seen as men’s property until recently, and women are still “given away” at weddings.
        4. It reinforces the fact that men have the power to set the standards, and women are expected to adhere to them.
        5. It encourages women to think about themselves within this reductive framework. If you are thinking of a big strong woman who shouldn’t be influenced by random nonsense from random men, consider at what age this kind of messaging starts percolating down to young girls, and what messages that sends.
        6. It encourages men to think of women as not fully human, and of their potential romantic partners in unhealthy ways that value acquisition and social power over understanding and true connection. (What if, when you were about to embark on this date, you were chatting to your friends about how cool you hoped your date’s interests might be?)
        7. For negative results of this kind of thinking, see: almost all women’s magazines; Donald Trump; anorexia/bulimia; beauty pageants; prevalence of “enhancement” surgery among women; and on and on and on and on.

        This really barely scratches the surface of the complex interplay between the way our society commodifies and objectifies women, history, and the negative results for both women and men. I really wish I could’ve found a great, well-laid-out article for you to go read. But instead, I found a bunch of how-tos about how to rank women’s hotness, so many of which are just objectively gross, which is what happens when you’re swimming in a culture of toxic masculinity. I encourage you to include that context in your thinking as well.

        I wanted to take a little bit of time on this because you have a following that includes people like me; and because you seem like you might listen and try to understand.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Matt says:

          I appreciate this, Christa. Thank you.

          I agree with everything you’ve written here. I’d like the record to show that personal interests, passions/ambitions, hopes/dreams, intellect, sense of humor/curiosity are EVERYTHING I talk about with my friends prior to, or after, dates.

          I don’t have anything in common with men whose metric for who they want to sleep is rooted in how a person looks, nor do I have anything in common with anyone who doesn’t think character, chemistry, shared interests, philosophical alignment, etc. aren’t the foundational elements on which attraction is sparked, and relationships are built.

          Ironically, that’s even alluded to in this post (which I hope you don’t think I’m defending — it’s too irrelevant to defend).

          Make you a deal. You comment on another post. Any other for any reason. And I’ll remove this one once you do. (I don’t want to lose your contribution to cyberspace limbo without replacing it.)

          Might I suggest this one:


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