Online Dating is Nonsense

Online-dating-101-for-introverts

Online dating is bullshit. Just like regular dating. But it feels unavoidable. You know, like death.

So, the other night, I went on my first date since 2001.

Because I’m 34, only know married people, and am infinitely less attractive than I was 12 years ago, I turned to online dating.

I know. It’s embarrassing.

For the uninitiated, online dating is exactly like regular dating—frustrating, expensive, and rife with rejection.

I’d like to cry a river for you and tell you how unfair it is that I—a pretty good guy, all things being equal—have to deal with rejection based on my online-dating profile.

Unless you’re doing it the old-fashioned way, you don’t even have the opportunity to say or do the wrong thing during or after dinner anymore.

Now?

They reject you upfront because you’re not six feet tall. They reject you because you’re a different faith, or because you believe in a God at all.

They reject you because you don’t make enough money.

Because you don’t have a Master’s degree. Because you’re an Aries and your astrological signs aren’t “compatible.”

Because you have opposing political views. Because you have a child. Because you’ve been divorced.

But it’s bullshit for me to cry you a river. Because I do the EXACT same thing to many of the women that reach out to me.

Three kids and never married? <Insert loud fail buzz noise here>

Much heavier than the body style I prefer, even though they describe it as “curvy?” Yeah. Curvy like a manatee. <Fail buzz>

Pittsburgh Steelers fans? <Fail buzz>

Here’s the sick part: I don’t really have any business dating right now anyway.

And my first date in a dozen years totally called me out on it.

Let’s call her Megan. Because that’s her name. Cool chick, too.

Despite my very best efforts to be upfront and honest about my situation, my mere presence on an online dating site is something akin to a lie, she said.

That was her take. And she might be right.

While some women are out there looking for husbands, I’m looking for someone—anyone—to fill the loneliness void. Because it is hard being in the empty house sometimes.

But I’m not trying to sleep around. I’m not trying to mislead anyone. I’m most certainly not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings.

No matter how noble my intentions, I’m still essentially using women to try and satisfy the need for connection in my life, while offering very little in return, except pleasant company. And when I think about it in those terms, I can see the unfairness that Megan was talking about. For the husband-seekers, I’m a complete waste of time. At least for the foreseeable future.

You know what I’d really like to do? Not care.

I want to just live my life, doing what I want when I can and doing what I have to do the rest of the time.

And just. Not. Care.

About dating. About five years from now. About anything.

But I do care. Involuntarily.

I may make peace with my singleness one of these days. But in the meantime, my online-dating site subscription doesn’t end for another month and a half. And I already made plans to meet someone else for a drink or two in a few days.

I’m nothing if not predictable.

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14 thoughts on “Online Dating is Nonsense

  1. […] position on this subject is clear—online dating is nonsense. Bullshit, […]

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  2. […] thing that can happen? Honestly? She’s not interested? How’s that different than online dating (which is bullshit, but one of the Three […]

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  3. […] It’s horribly unnatural, I’m not very good at it and it tends to make me feel more bad than good. […]

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  4. Pensive says:

    Just started reading your blog. I’m a little confused by some of the comments from the same person (?) who does nothing but quote portions.

    Anyhow, commiserations. Online dating is hard, but not impossible. It’s a total numbers game. Your friend Ryan is absolutely correct about three poles (well, maybe not the three that you selected). I don’t recommend taking every woman you agree to meet out to dinner–you may want to save your budget and meet for coffee, tea, a drink, a walk, a bookstore jaunt. I’ve had to cut dates short because they were unbearable, and it’s much worse if you are waiting to ask for the check.

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    • Matt says:

      Thank you for checking it out. :)

      Online dating made me really sad. I may pick it up again next year if my life continues to be lonely and pathetic. But I’m not there just yet.

      Ryan will be so glad to hear people think he’s right!

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      • Pensive says:

        If your heart isn’t in it, then trying any kind of dating won’t work. I’m in an open marriage, and have gone on 50+ first dates, all from online dating sites. It gets easier with practice. Just try to have fun.

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      • Will says:

        On line dating is bullsit I agree online dating is b******* I agree with you one hundred percent soon as every time you try and they always want credit card information and b******* like that what’s up with all that

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  5. Keith says:

    I just want through this same thing, and I agree with everything you’ve said. Went on a date the other night via tender, she brought her friend (who the fuck does this) Anyways, her friend commented I was too short (She had to be at least 6 foot 2 and the girl I was supposed to meet was 5 foot 3, I’m 5 foot 8) ok thanks sasquatch for the critique. But I guess that was the deal breaker, because it all went down hill from there.

    I miss the old fashioned dating. The getting to know each other was the best part.

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  6. Lois says:

    Your blog is very candid; it’s refreshing!

    I tried online dating. Being a 40-something woman is a challenge. Mostly, I would get really young men wanting me to be their ‘cougar’ or really old guys wanting to be my sugar daddy; none of which I was into being.

    After trying a couple sites, I realize dating/relationships are not about analytics (or taking quizzes or questionnaires), nor sugar-coating your hobbies, career or lifestyle, nor is it about getting laid…well, at least for me, it’s not.

    I agree that the old fashioned meeting people face-to-face and getting to know each other gradually is the best.

    Quality trumps quantity every time!

    Matt, I hope you’re not still lonely. It’s not easy being single today. But I know that I would much rather be single and lonely than in a relationship and (alone).

    I think it’s all about finding your own happiness within yourself, and not putting up with others trying to change you to the person they wish you were.

    As Ru Paul would say: “If you don’t love yourself, how the HELL you gunna love somebody else?” — **I wasn’t suggesting that you didn’t love yourself, by the way. I just love this quote ;)

    Cheers!

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  7. franz says:

    I’ve done that before because I love meeting people. Being chained in the house due to restriction and constraints , you can call it trials or test of faith. I lived a celibate life for more than five years it’s very hard but this is what I wanted. My experience in online dating that lasted on and off 6 months was one hell of carnival ride of a lifetime. Something to treasure of yet the pain and heartaches it inflict in my brain is beyond compare. Maybe, it’s one thing I need for a personal and psychological reboot . I found out in online dating there’s one in a hundred really faithful and loyal person out there , finally it’s not a logical place a christian like me must venture but I call it serendipity, some of my friends out there happens to be here . I have been an active member in a community where I’m one of the minister, meaning I miss the fun and adventure with my christian friends and talking with like minded people. The wonderful feeling that you’re loved and respected even those who are older than you. Now I lost the connection because something happens ( what he did to everyone around me in social media ) leads to a traumatic experience that’s not easy to shake off. I still live with the wounds of the soul not social media inflicted but in living utterly alone. Meeting people is great but must be done with discretion, not to succumb in mindless distraction or you’ll face utter frustration in the end you’ll be confronted by your actions and it will be all damnation but I don’t regret meeting them, actually I have a great time. I learned the real meaning of love and life, I actually love my online friends unconditionally. I really do. They are a blessing and a lesson which is very important in our growth. a fact , that I must face no one is perfect and before, I judge others mindless actions I must consider the fingers that points back at me . Imagine pointing one finger to other’s there’s another four pointing back at you. Meaning, whatever happens there’s no one to blame but me.

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  8. Brian says:

    Dating in America sucks period. Its feminism and the media that has destroyed the dating scene in the US.

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