And here we are.
I knew this day would come. I just didn’t know when.
Since I began this writing exercise, I have tried to be as honest and forthcoming as possible while trying to capture the moments of my life as a single father dealing with the aftermath of divorce.
I’ve been both applauded and punished for my honesty.
My favorite writer James Altucher preaches writing as honestly as possible without hurting anyone.
And that’s what I have strived to do.
The Second Date
It was Saturday night. With the woman I didn’t think drank.
Turns out she does a little. Just infrequently and unconventionally.
We had a nice dinner in a high-end downtown restaurant at which neither of us had eaten.
Mussels. Steak. Wine.
And pleasant conversation.
It was a nice night. She had driven to my house to meet me, so she came in when we got back and hung out for a couple hours.
She likes me quite bit. So much so that on Sunday we had to have a conversation about expectations because she asked when she could see me again. I had to answer questions and explain that I am nowhere near prepared to enter into a serious relationship with anyone, and that I have plans this week with another girl.
The other girl?
The jewelry store girl. My first date from four months ago.
She also came over and hung out with me Friday night. We drank a few and laughed for hours. It was fun. So we’re going to do it again.
And that’s where I find myself.
I could feel it all changing over this past month or so. Something’s just… different. And different is good.
It’s like I’m finding the rhythm of life again. The same rhythm I possessed 14 years ago before I became co-dependent on another human being.
I have more fun.
I feel better.
With that has come more confidence. A little extra pep.
I tried to tell my date last night that I was a pretty insecure guy.
She didn’t believe me.
I’m cooler in person, I guess.
And maybe my opposite-sex friends think so, too.
I have no idea what happens next. No expectations. But my gut says something will.
And what am I supposed to do? Write about it? Air the intimate details of my social life to the world once things take a turn?
That seems like the wrong thing to do.
For me, personally. And certainly for the privacy of people who like and trust me.
This is going to be a delicate balance as, moving forward, I maybe begin to hold back a little more than I used to about the goings on inside of me, and in these relationships, whatever they turn out to be.
I hope people will still consider my writing honest. I always want it to be that.
But I’m just not prepared to jeopardize these friendships by dishing all of the details, nor do I want to subject these people to the judgment of strangers because of my writing.
To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
I’m not going to play like I’m all better now.
I’m not all better.
My divorce is still the dominant thing in my life, even 11 months after becoming single again. The restaurant I took my date to last night is a place my ex-wife indicated she’d been to before.
I did plenty of looking around while I was there Saturday night. Wondering which table she sat at. Maybe mine. And with whom she’d gone there with. Probably him.
I am not over it.
I am something infinitely better than I was 11 months ago. I’ve come a hell of a long way.
I’m having a lot more fun.
I feel… just… better. Happier.
I don’t feel as alone even when I’m alone.
And I’m alone much less.
I don’t know what’s going to happen with the pretty mom who was on the other side of the dinner table last night.
I don’t know what’s going to happen with the jewelry store girl who’s going to come drink tequila and beer with me this week while I make her one of my favorite dishes.
But I know they both like me. The pretty mom really likes me.
The jewelry store girl?
We’re about to find out how much.
I got 99 problems…
I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. But it’s looking up more than it ever has.
I don’t know what my next post is going to say. But a gentleman never tells.
And I hope we can all live with that.