The Drinking Problem

Few activities are better than this.

Few activities are better than this.

I’ve got one.

Not an addiction. More like, an affinity for alcoholic beverages.

I love drinking. Love it.

And I’m not sorry.

Maybe I have a problem.

My Date Tomorrow

I won’t bury the lede: The girl I’m taking out tomorrow doesn’t drink alcohol. She claims to have done it before. But not much. Maybe as often as me eating escargot. (One time in nearly 35 years.)

She and I don’t know each other very well, so I don’t know if there’s a relevant back story.

Some people don’t like alcohol because they were in an abusive relationship with a partner or parent who was an alcoholic.

Some people don’t like alcohol because they watched it kill someone they loved by poisoning their bodies or knew someone who died tragically in a drunk-driving accident.

Some people don’t like alcohol because they have moral qualms with intoxication.

Some people don’t like alcohol because of an allergy, or a bad personal experience, or because they don’t like how it makes them feel the next day.

All of these things are sane reasons and totally understandable. People are allowed to like and not like whatever they want.

I think my date doesn’t drink simply because she doesn’t like it—neither the taste of the drinks, nor the concept of getting buzzed off of a substance.

She said matter-of-factly that she thinks people should be able to have fun without drinking. That people use it as a social crutch. That not being able to enjoy the company of others without drinking means you’re probably hanging out with the wrong people.

I’m smart enough to see her point.

And I’m awesome enough to totally disagree with it.

Maybe I have a problem.

Now, It’s a Party

Maybe I do.

Maybe I’m childish. Immature. Irresponsible.

Because I think dry parties and receptions and gatherings suck big-time.

I’ve never been adversely impacted by the dangerous aspects of alcohol. I promise you that I know there are some. Horror stories.

A handful of people will read this and think: “Yeah, Matt. Alcohol ruined my life.”

And I pray I don’t seem insensitive to that.

I’m just really good at doing irresponsible things fairly responsibly. Always have been.

And I stand by the fact that we all view this world through the prism of our life experiences. And my life experiences indicate that life is infinitely more fun when a group of people get together and tip a few back.

That’s been true nearly 100-percent of the time I’ve ever done it.

Almost nothing for me has the success rate of adding alcohol to a party and having it turn out fun.

Understand: Drinking doesn’t make me sad. Or angry. I don’t fight. I don’t hurt people. I don’t “change” per se, other than my inclination to get a little friendlier. And not in a creepy, rapey way, either. My gentleman tendencies remain, although I do get infinitely more flirty.

I tend to not kiss men on the cheek in everyday life. I’m not Italian or anything. But a couple weeks ago, I drank a bunch and kissed my friend Jason on the cheek. I only know because his wife uploaded the photo to Facebook.

That’s about as bad as I get. A purely heterosexual man-love kiss on the cheek. It wasn’t as gay as it sounds. I don’t think.

Maybe I have a problem.

I like who I am when I drink.

I might even be my favorite version of myself when I drink. And isn’t that what we’re always reaching for?

I don’t care if it’s temporary. I don’t care if it’s fake happy. If it’s not self-destructive, what’s the downside?

When I’m drinking, I am much less reserved and shy. Being afraid is one of my least-favorite things about myself.

I like the courage. Even if it’s fake. And you know what? It’s probably less about the alcohol, than it is the confidence of being surrounded by people who like you and who you like in return. It just so happens that we’re usually drinking when we all get together so it tends to go hand-in-hand.

When I’m just living my life, not having drinks like I am the vast majority of the time, I’m too scared to talk to that pretty girl at the grocery store, or too self-conscious to show vulnerability to someone whose rejection I fear.

But at a bar or party?

Me: “Hey. Do you know how much a polar bear weighs?”

Stranger: *confused, amused look* “No.”

Me: “Enough to break the ice. Hi, I’m Matt.”

Shit like that.

Rejection doesn’t matter because I’m already happy to be out with friends. I’m already happy just being me.

And silly things like that exchange are effective ways to strike up conversation with the type of people I want to know and surround myself with.

Nice people.

Friendly people.

Fun people.

If you’re not neglecting responsibilities.

If you’re not jeopardizing the health or well-being of others.

If you’re not addicted to the actual substance (I don’t drink alone—ever, unless I’m getting ready to meet up with people.)

If you’re not breaking the law.

If you’re not making morally reprehensible decisions due to impairment…

Then what’s the problem?

Maybe you think that sounds pathetic. That I like myself the most when I’m having drinks.

But I think it really has more to do with the environment—all the laughing and friends—than it does with the alcohol consumption itself. In fact, it must. Because I never drink alone.

I know there are people out there who completely agree with my date. Who think I make poor decisions and rely too much on alcohol to have fun.

And I’m smart enough to hear what they’re saying.

But I’m awesome enough to just not care.

Co-Existence 

I’d like to think we’ll be able to get along even if you’re someone who doesn’t like alcohol or thinks I’m an irresponsible fool for dedicating blog space to celebrating the subject.

But.

Can I co-exist in a relationship with someone who doesn’t drink?

Can I co-exist with someone who frowns upon my personal choices?

I’ve been talking all week with the girl I’m having dinner with tomorrow. She doesn’t know that I went out drinking twice after work this week. That I’m likely to have some drinks tonight, too.

I’m not ashamed of it. I don’t want to hide it. But I also don’t want to rub her nose in it.

Doesn’t this have BUST written all over it? I feel like it does.

Which is a shame because she’s very nice and smart and cute and seems to like me—at least more than every other single woman I know. And everyone paying attention knows just how few of those people exist in my life.

A while back, I had to reflect on the deal breakers in the context of who I will and won’t date because of something in their past.

And here I am again, on an infinitely more superficial subject. But I’m not afraid to have something superficial be important to me. Especially if it’s honest.

Maybe I have a problem.

Because drinking is fun for me. With a group of friends, and even friendly strangers, it’s one of my favorite things to do.

And I’m smart enough to understand all the negative consequences I may experience as a result.

But I’m awesome enough to not care.

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84 thoughts on “The Drinking Problem

  1. Champagne for the merciless says:

    You dont have a problem :) Have a glass of vino! :)

  2. I’m not a drinker either. Sir is. He would totally relate to this.

    ~ Darling

  3. None of us are getting out of this gig alive, so ya might as well have fun while on this planet.

  4. bgoffe2013 says:

    Alcohol filters Reality

  5. monty3038 says:

    Nicely put. I felt the same way many years ago, then over time my consumption tapered off… now I hardly drink. Not any real reason for it other than I just lost interest in it… but hey, as long as you admit you don’t have a problem :)

    • Matt says:

      It tends to go in spurts with me.

      I’ve been such a reclusive, depressed shut-in for so long, I’ve discovered that the pubs have–by far–been the most-effective tool (at least during the crappy weather months) of getting out among the living.

      *shrug*

  6. Meredith says:

    I have a past filled with alcoholism. Not mine, others. But guess what? I’ve loosened up with my own alcohol consumption in the past few months and find things are much more fine than they used to be. I don’t do the irresponsible things that could come with drinking like driving or picking fights. A glass or two of wine makes my life so much more floaty and less stressful. My husband loves the new wino I’ve become.

    • Matt says:

      Good for you!

      Abuse and irresponsibility can taint even the safest of things in this world. And alcohol can be very dangerous.

      But it can be done responsibly. And it sure is fun when you do.

  7. AndiMirandi says:

    Matt…drink up! And do not take this girl out!

    You and I seem to be on the same page, in a lot of ways. I never smile at a cute stranger or make conversation in Starbucks with men. I panic. I am scared of being rejected. But after a shot of tequila or two, I’m all of a sudden their best friend.

    You should find someone who will enjoy a few drinks with you, not internally (or externally) judging you for drinking.

    Let us know how the date goes. :)

  8. Oh. You know I have an opinion about this. ;-)

    #1- I specifically remembered your post about not hitching your wagon to a non-drinker which would be the greatest cosmic joke of all time, if this girl is “The” girl. (ooh how bad of a friend would some be if they secretly hoped this might happen to you purely for my …er….THEIR amusement?)

    #2- I don’t drink. Not for moral reasons. Beer and wine taste bad to me too but the hard stuff sweetened up? Yeah, if I didn’t have a moral contract at work, I’d be in big trouble, not to mention poor.

    #3- I don’t judge people who drink responsibly…ever.

    #4- I’ve been in enough situations where good people feel compelled to ‘ask my permission’ to order a beer at dinner and I hate it because truth be told, It makes me feel dumb. I don’t really want them to drink either but I am awesome enough to not dictate it for others.

    #5- in my OPINION once they do order their drink, two things happen. 1st the smell of beer fills up the table (which may smell good to drinkers but to non-drinkers?…..well… 2nd the person drinking changes, be it ever so slightly. Not for better or worse but…..there is an ‘unnaturalness’ that takes over…..a little.

    #6- I’ve never really thought about that idea that if one likes to drink to have fun with friends, that maybe they need better friends. Interesting. None of my closest friends drink either and we have a blast whenever we get together. There’s some research to be done here. I’d love to know the results.

    All of this makes me wonder. This cute, smart, funny girl? She seems to like you (which many of us understand so deal with it). Within the week, including the kids party, I have to presume that she interacted and enjoyed the “natural” Matt. You, my friend, are in a pickle! I am quite certain you will handle tomorrow with total class and I cannot wait to hear how it shakes out. Have so much FUN!

    • Matt says:

      You’re rooting for the Seinfeld-ish comedy that will ensue if I start dating a non-drinker!

      That’s the closest thing to mean you’ve ever been. ;)

      You make all kinds of valid points.

      I’ll think about them tonight while I’m drinking.

      • LOL! And we’ll have to start calling her “non-drinker”….like “man-hands” and “close-talker”…. Oh gosh. I’m laughing so hard! ~ and we’re both sober….just sayin’ maybe she’s right … Well, At least I’M sober. LOL

  9. Brian Snyder says:

    Some people can drink responsibly in social settings. I’m not a drinker, but I don’t pee in your cheerios if you are. Freedom is a blessed gift indeed. I’d say these things though:
    1. Drinking is never a problem, until it is a problem. And once it’s a problem, it’s usually a pretty serious one. Be careful you’re not walking on a knife’s edge. We love you and want to see you well.
    2. It is perfectly ok to drink when you are in social settings. It is also ok to choose not to. Either way it’s fine, just remember you have a choice. If you feel like you don’t have a choice, see point #1.
    3. She might ask you to not drink so much in order for the relationship to continue. And that could be a shitty thing for her to say and you might have to kick her to the curb for it. But, she also might be worth it.

    Matt, I am an expert at my own opinion. I’m not an expert on you. My comments are worth exactly what you paid for them. But hopefully I speak for some of your readers to say we love you, be safe, be awesome, and keep your decision to drink or not just that: a decision.

    • Matt says:

      I appreciate that very much, Bryan. Thank you.

      I do promise it will remain a decision.

      Should it ever NOT be one, I promise to write about it so we can have a rad internet-based intervention.

      I hope you have an excellent weekend, sir. And I hope you know I’m serious when I say how much I appreciate all the kindness and thoughtfulness. Thank you.

  10. oh dear lord! Go out, have a drink or three. if she doesn’t like it then she can turn you down if you ask her out again. If her attitude bothered you, then don’t ask her out again.
    There – problem solved.

  11. My two best friends in the world are my fabulous drinking buddies, maybe I love then a bit more for it. And I, with my handful of reasons, drink 1 drink or sometimes none.

    I love them when they drink, I love them the next morning, and I love them when they’re not drinking. Because we love and accept, they never feel me judge, look down my nose, or tsk tsk, we just have fun, bring who we are, everyone has their own truth.

    We have another friend, she got a DUI, spent the night in jail, and we love her when she comes to visit, sips her juice, and drives us all home later.

    Enjoy your date, you’ll hear and respect her truth while you stay true to yourself, because you are awesome like that.

    p.s. I like everyone’s succinct responses so far, and I fancy myself a poet.

  12. Quality over quantity, that’s what I like to use as my motto.

    Everyone is able to go out and have a good time, and they should, and this is regardless if they drink or not. As everyone is saying: we all have to be responsible about it. You went out a couple nights. So what? As long as drinking doesn’t affect you and your ability to perform on the job and in life.

  13. Disregard the p.s., should have hit refresh, oops…

  14. So long time you do drink or do other things with responsability, no problems.

    Years ago I said: No thank you to a date, because he did not drink any longer in his life. I am still a friend to him, but never more.
    It is very difficult to explain, that you would love to drink a glass in company with a nice steak and romance, this will not be possible at all.
    Then you will need to accept a life in another way Matt.

    Irene

  15. Aurora says:

    I don’t drink very often (maybe once a month) but when I do, I freaking love it. And let me tell you, I am THEE best dancer at every bar. Whether it is in my head or not is irrelevant. lol Have fun and good luck!

  16. The perspective that’s being overlooked here, is what if the ‘nice girl’ is writing on her blog about going out on a date with a *gasp* drinker!
    How many of her friends might say:
    Don’t go out with him.
    What if he doesn’t stop at one drink.
    He obviously doesn’t give a rip about his liver.
    He’s an alcoholic in the making.

    And so on and so forth.

    I guess I’m just a bit off with this as people seem to be taking sides. The world is made up of drinkers, non-drinkers, social drinkers only, once-in-a-special-occasion-drinkers, religious reasons non-drinkers, evil-liquid diet drinkers, drinkers-and-non-drinkers relationships, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera….

    If she’s a nice girl, why not go out with her and stop preempting judgment on her non-drinking decisions.

    ~ D

    • Matt says:

      I will literally shit my pants if she has a blog and is writing about this. :)

      No sides! She is a beautiful mother who chooses not to drink. The question on the table, for me, is not what kind of human being she is.

      She seems wonderful. And she gets tons of brownie points for liking me and wanting to go out.

      But I have been wondering whether this is a big enough deal to ultimately doom any potential relationship. More in a theoretical sense.

      You submit that it does not. And that’s good news. :)

  17. Tritrigirl says:

    I dated a guy for a few weeks that didn’t drink and I don’t drink all the time but it made things a bit awkward. I then realized that while I may not drink ALL the time, a lot of my social activities revolved around drinking establishments, my monthly beer pairing dinners? He refused to go (I still went). The beer and BBQ on the patio nights with friends? He thought they were stupid (well mostly my friends when they’d drink). Pub quiz nights got awkward when everyone kept asking him why he wasn’t drinking, repeatedly.

    At first it didn’t bother me to have a drink or two when he was around but then it became uncomfortable and shortly there after we quit seeing each other. Not because he didn’t drink or because he made me feel bad for drinking (always responsibly…well mostly always) but because we didn’t mesh well in the end.

    Not to say it won’t work out because I think if you really like and care for one another then it shouldn’t matter too much especially since you seem to be responsible about it and as you say are basically still yourself when you drink. I wish you luck on your date and am excited for you! Have fun!

    • Matt says:

      You have VERY articulately spelled out precisely what I’m talking about. From a long-term concern perspective. I’m sensitive about stuff. So I wouldn’t want to, necessarily drink in her company. And then what?

      This is all hypothetical. Whatever is meant to be will be. I just like writing about what I’m thinking about.

      And I really appreciate you sharing this particular experience.

  18. A.B. Chesler says:

    Let me take a wild guess: this woman in question has no children? Because let me be real, nothing takes the edge off after a long day of child care quite like a cold beer. Or two. Or three.

  19. I have met many couples that the woman doesn’t drink. I suppose they make a good DD? I can’t blame you feeling that way though, I love to drink too. Every guy I’ve dated have liked the fact that they can sit there and have a drink with me at a bar. It’s not a bad thing :) I’m sure your date will be fine! If she doesn’t get it, than your probably better off.
    -Jenny

    • Matt says:

      Totally with you, Jenny. It either works or it doesn’t. I’m not particularly concerned. Just a little thinking out loud.

      Have a great weekend, please!

      • Haha! Always a great weekend.. Beer in my hand! I started my weekend last night! Don’t forget to have a few yourself.. Then tell us how you feel on Sunday.. lol

  20. Hannah says:

    I’m most certainly my favorite version of myself after a drink or two. I wish I had the confidence I have when I have a drink in real life. I’d have a lot more friends.

    My family has seen first hand the horrors of alcohol; my grandfather died from his alcoholism before I was born and two of my uncles are recovered alcoholics. You would think that my family would be the driest in town, but you won’t find a party without blackberry brandy and coolers of beer. My family has always just preached moderation, knowing your limit, and not being completely stupid.

    Have a nice time! Hopefully your date has the live and let live type of attitude towards it!

  21. I like who I am when I drink. I might even be my favorite version of myself when I drink. And isn’t that what we’re always reaching for?

    It’s like you are staring into my soul man…

  22. Dawn says:

    Maybe it will be a problem. Maybe it won’t. You will just have to see how things go on the date. I wouldn’t shy away from ordering a drink either. You be who you are she will be who she is, and maybe it will be magic, or maybe it will be something else put on the “you made an effort” list.
    Can’t wait to hear how it goes.

    BTW, did you see the clip from the Ellen show with the caller who said “listen, I love Jesus…but I drink a little.” It was hilarious!!

  23. I agree with what Brian Snyder wrote. He framed it wonderfully.
    I might add that I do enjoy a good drop, once in a while.

    “I like who I am when I drink. I might even be my favorite version of myself when I drink.”

    – Statements like this make me – shall we say attentive? (History with alcoholics and drug addicts) And in my personal experience the fact that one does never drink alone does not say anything about their level of addiction or non-addiction.

    This is not in my responsibility, though. It is in yours. Only you can really know what’s good for you. And I am sure that you are perfectly capable to take good care of yourself.

    Matt, I don’t think you are awesome because you disagree with her points or because you don’t care about possible negative results, like you stated above.
    I think you are awesome because of ALL THAT YOU ARE. :)

    Enjoy your date and have a wonderful weekend!

    Much love,
    Steffi

  24. Sarah says:

    Does she care if YOU drink? I guess you don’t know this yet…’cause that makes a big difference. Or maybe it doesn’t. I dated a non-drinker for a few months and he didn’t care if I drank, but it was all very odd to me. I like going out and going to bars and having drinks with dinner and having drinks at home and sure, he would do those things with me but I always felt weird about being buzzed (or hell, drunk) and him being stone-cold sober. Not to mention the sad fact that hello, no drunken sex was taking place! ugh.

    I really don’t think I could date a non-drinker and I’m like you in the “not a problem” department. It makes me less shy, it makes my brain stop running a mile a minute, it makes me nicer, it helps me unwind, and dammit, I like the taste of the drinks I drink!

    Curious what your date’s backstory is on the no-boozing. Maybe you can peer pressure her into something she’ll love (in a totally non-creepy way, of course). If she’s in the “but I don’t like the taste of alcohol” camp then totally let me know. My retired bartender skills come in handy. Have a good date and a good weekend! xo

  25. knace says:

    I have two good friends who are non-drinkers and both say it’s because they can’t stand not being “in control.” I guess that’s why I must not mind it, I never feel like I have that firm a handle on things to begin with. ;) Here’s to a fun night out-I hope you both have a great time!

  26. jessiesgirl says:

    As I’ve commented before, I don’t drink. If you don’t count my addiction to allergy medicine as a kid, I’ve never been drunk. Sure, I’ve had alcohol before, but the taste is so nasty to me that I’ve never had more than a few sips…never enough to get even slightly buzzed. To quote The Big Bang Theory’s Sheldon Cooper after taking a sip of wine, “Ewww…grape juice that burns!”

    One thing I’ve noticed about social drinkers is that they *think* they become more fun and interesting when buzzed. And this is confirmed by all of their equally buzzed (or totally blitzed) friends. But for the sober person observing all the “awesome” alcohol-fueled interactions…the drunk people are almost always the exact opposite of fun and interesting.

    Which makes me wonder…if someone filmed one of your evenings at the bar throwing a few back with friends…would your sober self still think you were awesome and fun and interesting? Of course Drunk Matt thinks he’s awesome and the life of the party. And the Sober Matt who wakes up the next day recalls Drunk Matt being awesome the night before. But what would Sober Matt think of Drunk Matt if they met face-to-face? Just a thought.

    The man I’m dating now drinks. At one time in his life, he admits that he was very close to becoming an alcoholic. When we first started dating, I was on high alert about his drinking. I was afraid he might get drunk and become obnoxious or sloppy or pathetic. A lifetime of being the designated driver was not an option. But I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. I didn’t want to judge him, just as I didn’t want him to judge me for not drinking. And I’m happy to report that he has never disappointed me. He’ll order a beer or wine with dinner, but never drinks to excess. I’ve never see him drunk, and only once did he get a little tipsy (2 beers and a longer wait than expected for dinner).

    So, I guess my point is that a drinker and a non-drinker CAN make it work. But it depends highly on the amount of drinking. I’ve never met you, Matt, so I can’t speak to who you are when you drink. Personally, I think going out for drinks three times in one week is bordering on excessive. Kind of like having fast food for dinner three times in one week. But each person has their own limits and tolerances for such things, so I leave it to you to decide what’s best when it comes to your life.

    I hope your date goes well. I hope you enjoy a few drinks. And I really hope she still likes you after those drinks. I have a feeling she will. ;-)

  27. Aamiene says:

    Ya know Matt. I think we all spend far too much time worrying about what other people will think about us. Thinking we’ll be judged by their standards.
    It can ruin your life – if you spend it all doing what is expected of you and never doing anything fun for yourself.
    You drink responsibly and have fun responsibly, so where’s the harm? You’re not hurting anyone.
    Be true to yourself Matt, because if someone doesn’t want to be with the real you, then you don’t want them, and it’s their loss.
    And by the way, this is my favourite blog too. It’s the only one I read every single day. Don’t stop :)

  28. Vince says:

    A deal breaker? Nah, only if one of you lets it be a deal breaker. I’d probably find out why she’s so against alcohol first. I might even ask her if she minds if I have a drink, on the first date. You might learn a lot by her reaction to you asking if she minds. If she says yes or acts like she doesn’t like the idea, well I know I like beer so for me it would be a problem.

  29. I’m a non-drinker (personal issues with it, blah blah blah) but never have a problem with others drinking, as long as it’s responsible drinking. And if it’s not – well, I’m sober. I can drive home. You know?

    I went on my first date in…well, never mind how many years tonight, with a guy who had a beer with dinner? And it bothered me not a bit. He stopped at one, he didn’t vomit on my shoes or put a lampshade on his head and dance on the table.

    Listen, if anyone’s judgey about you drinking responsibly, that’s their problem, not yours. We live in a society where most people drink. It’s on those of us that don’t to either deal with it, or hang out in our homes with the blinds closed. We’re not here to make choices for others. We’re here to deal with our own junk, and that’s the best we can do.

    Knock ‘em dead tomorrow night, Matt. Totally rooting for you. Can’t wait to hear all about it!

  30. garden2day says:

    Shut up and have fun! :D (take that in the humor it is written, please)

    Some people love drinking. Some are alcoholics. I was married to an alcoholic the first go around and he was a bad drunk. I think if one doesn’t drink and drive or do risky things..it’s ok–but that’s me. We all have differences. Some matter more than others. Right after 2nd hubby left, I had the worst drinking binge of my life–thought I had to drink ALL of the alcohol in the house in one night and almost did with terrible consequences–my college days had nothing on this–I still can’t drink whisky. But .. I buy Kahlua in the almost 2 liter bottle. :lol:

    You can do whatever you really want to but I think you should focus on having fun. Dang, one of us needs to. Take care! – Amy :)

  31. I called myself a responsible alcoholic this week to my bff. Huuumm… I like the stuff too. Or, better yet, does it like me?

  32. Sandy Sue says:

    I could only get half-way through this one. Methinks he protests too much.

  33. thatnavaword says:

    i dont care if someone in my life drinks.. just dont drive and just dont make your drunk ass my problem. I don’t drink.. no moral reasons, just because i know ‘i’m light on petrol’ as they call it. One simple cider will make me hot, my feet heavy and my eyes foggy. So my limit is all of one or nothing.

  34. Tania C says:

    Isn’t blogging fun and interesting?
    There is a school of thought in psychology that believes that everyone knows how to fix their own problems, they just need to find out the answer themselves. Essentially, you get them to keep talking and they work it out. I find blogging does that.
    Clearly, in your writing a lot of things are coming out that you haven’t thought before. Your “drinking problem” seems to be one as well. Whether you drink or not, well it’s your life. It shouldn’t matter to anyone else.
    But before you close the door on the “I have/don’t have a drinking problem” keep thinking it out, writing it out. You might keep finding more interesting things about yourself.
    Also, does that mean you have never ever had fun with your son? Or do you drink with him too?
    :-p

  35. nights7 says:

    Like you’ve already stated in the comments this shouldn’t be a deal breaker but it is something to be wary of.
    My ex-husband was an anit-drinker and my philosophy on drinking matches yours (I’m going out drinking tonight even though I have a run early tomorrow morning. Why? Because I can). It was a reoccurring problem (one of many) in our marriage.
    Your polar bear/ice breaker line is awesome! I’m going to have to try & use it soon.

  36. mjmsprt40 says:

    One of these days I’ll have to write about this. Today, a comment will suffice.
    I don’t drink much. A beer now and then. By that, I mean a 6-pack may last a couple of months– when I buy one at all.
    I belong to a denomination that frowns on all alcohol consumption, even though the stance finds no biblical support. Further, I’m a professional driver, on call– so I really need to call in “off duty” before I indulge. Then stay “off duty” for several hours to let the beer wear off– time being the only thing that makes you “sober” after drinking.
    Personally, I don’t mind if you drink– so long as you don’t get crazy while you’re “lit”. I may, or may not– it depends on general circumstances– have a beer with you. Only one, though– never two, and I tend to take some time drinking the one beer.

  37. This is a tough one… honestly I don’t fully understand the line between drinker and alcoholic. Maybe the line is porous and gray, sort of a “you know it when you see it” type thing. However I don’t think a relationship is doomed just because one person drinks and the other doesn’t. I guess you have to find out her reasons for not drinking– maybe it’s a weight/ calorie thing, or perhaps its deeper. Maybe she just hasn’t met the right drink!

  38. neffy93 says:

    I say I don’t drink because I don’t really… not much. I might have on average 8 alcoholic drinks in 6 months. I don’t need to drink, I don’t really like the way it makes me feel afterwards or during. I like to be in control of myself.

    My ma would empathise with you though, she says sometimes an occasion just calls for her enjoying the feeling of being a little out of control she said it makes her feel like someone else for a minute and lets her step out of her normal boring mum self (her words). She doesn’t do it often either though but she said there’s nothing like getting drunk with the right people and just letting loose. She keeps telling me that one day she is taking me out and she and I are going to get wasted and then I’ll know what she means but neither of us have managed to do that yet, I’m kind of looking forward to it. If getting wasted with anyone she’d be the loon I’d choose to do it with.

    All things in healthy doses I guess.

    • Matt says:

      Yes. Responsibility and health and safety come first. Moderation. As long as those things aren’t jeopardized? Weeeeeeee.

      • neffy93 says:

        I guess it’s hard to condemn anything you’ve not tried right? Not that I plan on trying crazy wild sex with 6 other people in a glass elevator, I just don’t need to try that to know that it would probably be fun haha. No, to just know that it’s not the best idea I’d ever have.

        You inspired me to start recording and contemplating my own quest to find companionship, romance, love or whatever it is… I’ll probably find out I just want someone to come to gigs with me.

        But thanks for the inspiration and my new blog which one day I hope to look back at with Mr Perfect and giggle at http://neffy93.wordpress.com/

      • Matt says:

        I inspired someone! That’s very exciting. Not unlike your glass-elevator suggestion. Maintenance staff will need a shit-ton of glass cleaner after that mess.

        Thank you for sharing your journey with us. :)

      • neffy93 says:

        Haha no doubt! That would be a 2 days left to live type of stunt. With my luck they’d find a way to save the world and I’d have been captured on a range of CCTV cameras.

        My journey is going to be so ridiculous someone will come on a white stallion and rescue me out of sheer pity, hopefully when I move to London it will gather momentum
        :)

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